Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Thoughts on civil disobedience

After a considerable hiatus, I break the silence to make a post that is both lengthy and easy for me...because I already produced it about a month ago. Someone asked that I do so. This is unscripted and only edited in two minor points. Were I to do it over again, no doubt I would tighten some propositions and clarify some loose ends.

From a thread at http://www.facebook.com/cboyack/posts/149834545064984, posing the question, “Are Latter-day Saints justified by God in participating in forms of civil disobedience? If so, under what circumstances?”

Copied directly from D&C 134:11: "We believe that men should appeal to the civil law for redress of all wrongs and grievances, where personal abuse is inflicted or the right of property or character infringed, where such laws exist as will protect the same; but we believe that all men are justified in defending themselves, their friends, and property, and the government, from the unlawful assaults and encroachments of all persons in times of exigency, where immediate appeal cannot be made to the laws, and relief afforded."

As President Monson has stated, "When the time for decision arrives, the time for preparation is past." While even CIVIL disobedience is not a course to lightly enter into, and we always want to proceed with as much precedent and direction as possible from the church, history and futurity both clearly establish "times of exigency" (which is more to say collapse of ethical protection than application of private situational ethics). (I often contend that while we should be so mentally prepared, such times are not upon us at present.)

The last half of the quoted verse is not the only portion providing for such, for we also perceive that laws must exist which WILL "protect the same." There is longstanding scriptural allowance for self- and family-defense to the point of shedding of blood, as--obviously--standing pat and pacific when so threatened will not leave one future opportunity of application for redress.


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Spencer, you’re right: most of human history has been a seemingly endless struggle against tyrants. (I’ve written at length about such scriptural features as the depiction of the evils of a bad government, with 1 Samuel 8; see Ether 6:22-23; compare Mosiah 11, leading to Mosiah’s repudiation of the monarchical system in chapter 29.) Section 134 is rife with reiteration of what sorts of laws God holds governments accountable to establish, in order to retain our own exact obedience. (“Divine mandate” governmental theory went out the window, rightly, centuries ago; social contract is far closer to the divine practice.) By the way, verse 5 actually reads for your statement as to insurrection: “sedition and rebellion are unbecoming every citizen thus protected, and should be punished accordingly.”

My commentary has largely been in the context of present American politics and what may still be salvaged as a divinely inspired system of government. The problem outlined by most early Church leaders was the corrupt administrators of our constitutional government. In this respect, there is much midlevel legislation and perceived legislation still in flux, with plenty of wriggle room for vocal dissent. (Rabble-rousers might jump more immediately to stronger forms, when, as a lazy and apathetic, yet angry, people, we have hardly begun to express our disapproval by conventional routes.) For instance, I often attempt to point out to people that there are more public forum rights for religious expression on the books than we are often led to believe by those around us. The optimal form of dissent would be to find (D&C 98:10) ways to uphold good, honest, wise men in office, and send the rest packing.

What I can’t ever abide in interpretations COUNTER to the possibility of disapproval leading through stages of dissent to open disobedience, is the stance assumed by some—which is well opposed in Connor’s 12th A of F link above--that subjection to “the powers that be” means we would automatically incur God’s disapproval if we ever stepped out of line with any mandate from earthly government. (People unable to draw such lines offer delightful fodder for totalitarian regimes, and often end up assisting them in their deeds.) I've laughingly pointed out that many Latter-day Saints have, in their theological confusion, sought to undermine the basis for our own Revolution (or any revolution throughout all time against oppressive and/or bloodthirsty rulers), which was nonetheless approved by God.

It is naive for some to assume that obedience to God cannot require sacrifice from some other sector, that there will never be a day of irreconcilable parting between God and mammon. Still, I always put forward my own hesitance to declare the day of reckoning over matters, frighteningly eroded though our principled country may have become. Later on today, I’ll have access to President Benson’s actual teachings and counsel, but it’s sufficient at the moment to report Elder Oaks’ disbelief (http://lds.org/ensign/1994/10/our-strengths-can-become-our-downfall?lang=eng) that people could use him to justify tax evasion.

“When the wicked rule the people mourn” (D&C 98:9, an echo of Proverbs 29:2). This causes nearly daily tension between obedience to God and that to man. While we must honestly evaluate the extent to which we can turn the other cheek and bear patiently under suffering, particularly while attempting every legal recourse, and at which point it becomes unacceptable to do so any longer, there should be no question as to who claims the greater allegiance. I borrow from Acts 5:27-29, 40-42 (actually spoken by a corrupt, yet subservient and cringing, puppet government of another): “And when they had brought them, they set them before the council: and the high priest asked them, Saying, Did not we straitly command you that ye should not teach in this name? and, behold, ye have filled Jerusalem with your doctrine, and intend to bring this man’s blood upon us. Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men. . . . And when they had called the apostles, and beaten them, they commanded that they should not speak in the name of Jesus, and let them go. And they departed from the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer shame for his name. And daily in the temple, and in every house, they ceased not to teach and preach Jesus Christ.”


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My prior honesty could get me in trouble, because I do believe in the theoretical/eventual possibility of disobedience (which must, to be proper, if effected, begin as civilly as permissible). When someone adversarily asked the wrong question about polygamy, “Can a Latter-day Saint be a true member of the Church and in good standing, who flatly denies the divinity and authenticity of the revelation on plural marriage?,” Charles W. Penrose of the First Presidency replied coolly, “No one can be counted a true Latter-day Saint who flatly denies the divinity of a revelation accepted as divine by the Church.” (It’s not like we were just off our rocker for a few years, or conducted a failed social experiment. Any thinking Christian should realize it will have to exist in heaven if loved ones in unusual circumstances are to have just opportunity to be together, though plenty of questions remain as to the scope.) The important feature here would be type and timing of “obedience.” (I cite your minds forward to the 7th and 8th paragraphs.)

One will search in vain among President Benson’s words for counsel encouraging rebellion. In this instance, perusal for common justifications of tax evasion yields nothing more than some remarks about certain uses of our taxes being for unconstitutional purposes. He didn’t seem to think this incursion on the sacred constituted a right to revolt. Even prophets deserve the right to subtly vent their spleen, without unstable individuals inferring an improper course of action therefrom (such as with Mountain Meadows). To use a lame example, I seem to recall that in the movie Christmas Vacation, Cousin Eddie went all out and kidnaped Clark’s boss based off some complaints. Speak of inappropriate application of resources! I concur with John’s earlier statement about the use of extremes to justify (means of approach to) minor issues.

Truth be told, we are surrounded by unconstitutionalities. While this is a sobering call to action, President Benson only seemed to advocate greater participation in due processes, not intervention or secession. (One of his common phrases was to be part of the solution, not part of the problem.) My above link to Elder Oaks’ commentary on this very thing talks about those who use a few words to “support their political agenda or other personal purposes,” “ignor[ing] the contrary implications of other prophetic words, or even the clear example of the prophet’s own actions.” In President Benson’s own words, “The expression ‘follow the Brethren’ has a broader meaning than some would apply to it. It means not only to agree with the counsel given to the Church by the Brethren, but also to follow their example in appearance and deportment.” It appears to me, from their words and works, that the injunction to befriend constitutional law does not contain an automatic adjunct to defy unconstitutional law. Were it so, President Benson would have spent his final years in prison, leading out by example.

Joseph Smith was no stranger to the courts, but he was always hauled there on charges not of his own doing. Regarding such vexatious suits, Brigham reported, “I know for myself that Joseph Smith was the subject of forty-eight law-suits, and the most of them I witnessed with my own eyes; but not one action could ever be made to bear against him. No law or constitutional right did he ever violate. He was innocent and virtuous; he kept the law of his country, and lived above it; out of forty-eight law suits, (and I was with him in the most of them), not one charge could be substantiated against him. He was pure, just, and holy, as to the keeping of the law.” (Hedges and Holzapfel recently upped the number to “more than two hundred legal cases.”) In the final conclusion, his foes, who often acknowledged to one Saint or another that they knew he was guilty of nothing under the laws of the country, determined to reach him by ball and powder where the law couldn’t touch him.

In the same Conference address as he used the quotation given by Steven, President McKay was speaking mainly in the context of American liberties for “an ideal society” in a world such as East German communism. He spoke of standing for inalienable rights, not grumbling over inconveniences. After alluding to property rights as being subject to “consent of the people,” he made the curious statement that “the right of property consists in the free use, enjoyment, and disposal of all acquisitions, without control or diminution save by the laws of the land.” It was definitely no fiery call to arms. In the October 1967 Conference, President McKay quoted directly and at length from a diatribe specifically against ongoing “civil disobedience” in the land, wrapping up with a request that we remember to be “united as a country,” rather than inducing “contention and confusion.”

It’s well for us to take note of which liberties are being abridged, that we may press for repeal via acceptable methods, but it’s important to remember that we are more effective when assertively responsible than when simply standing on rights. The church’s default position is clearly that of obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law (with no obvious qualification inserted). Elder Quentin L. Cook said of our society, “Individual rights are demanded, but duties, responsibilities, and obligations are neglected.” The right to bear arms, for example, doesn’t confer a necessity to stockpile them. It is certainly hoped that there will be intelligent consideration of ethical usage thereof. The right exists to meet potential needs, not to create them. Indeed, America is still wonderful precisely because I couldn’t possibly have the time to select more than a few of the paths afforded me by my rights.

As for polygamy, while it’s true that plural marriages continued to be contracted after laws were passed, such laws were shockingly biased attempts to be retroactively punitive against men who sorrowed to be disenfranchised and refused to break up their families. This was no garden variety offense—if you will forgive the pun, still working in our overall discussion. Many in later years (i.e., post-Manifesto) ought to have been tried for their membership, for the disparity between law of God and law of man was once again removed. President Joseph F. Smith had to boldly remind members in Conference that, as the one who held the keys on this earth, he forbade any new plural marriages from being entered into, whatever skulking individuals might be performing.

On such matters as these, speaking of revelation adapted to circumstances, let’s consider Joseph Smith’s teaching: “Whatever God requires is right, no matter what it is, although we may not see the reason thereof till long after the events transpire.” By that token, it seems that of preeminent value for this matter, or any other, under consideration would be having God’s word at the moment. President Packer has remarked several times that there are fundamental beliefs built into who we are as Latter-day Saints, such that on many issues of the day we shouldn’t even have to ask what the Church’s position is. (He gives us credit for being attuned to the Spirit, the mind of Christ which brings unity in doctrine and principle. Once upon a time, I gaped at a young woman’s demands that I demonstrate from Church teachings that it is of first preference, and I wasn’t claiming by command or irremediable decree, that mothers be able to stay at home with their children—and, on another occasion, that she should tithe on a gift given her from a relative by check—simply thinking to myself, “Where is it NOT taught?”) Might it be that we are groping to find a doctrine for civil disobedience because there ISN’T one? An absence of any defined impetus is suggestive of the fact that something has not been commanded, and bringing fragments to bear is little more than wresting scripture. “Civil” disobedience, attractive at first sight, is in actuality striving to put a palatable adjective on an unsavory concept.

Latter-day Saints, as represented to us by our leaders over the years, have a well-deserved and needful reputation for being among the most law-abiding citizens that our country could possibly call upon. I’m not sure how far I could trust individuals who think to improve the law by flouting it, to protest, as it were, the direction a valiant steed is traveling by shooting it. It is also something like hammering away at a dam’s foundation in efforts to irrigate a field. That will introduce enough trouble to cause us to forget our original concern! If we want to tap into the vast, dormant American polity, we should stir the surface or open up designated channels. Extreme examples? It is also extreme to leap to disobedient action where so many other options are still available. President McKay taught that we, individually, each one of us, the people, make up “the vote” in America.

Civil disobedience, if nothing else, isn’t viable because it is too volatile. Here I shall rest my case on some of President Faust’s remarks in 1995 (in both THE SPIRIT OF AMERICA, 130-131 and IN THE STRENGTH OF THE LORD, 276): “Civil disobedience has become fashionable for a few with strongly held political agendas. Even when causes are meritorious, if civil disobedience were to be practiced by everyone with a cause our democracy would unravel and be destroyed. Civil disobedience is an abuse of political process in a democracy. . . . When we disagree with a law, rather than resort to civil disobedience or violence we are obliged to exercise our right to seek to repeal or change by peaceful and lawful means. There is a growing mistrust and distrust for all forms of government and authority. We claim the right to do what we want, but we are often slow to face up to our duty as citizens in a free land. Many of the rising generation have paid little price beyond that of paying taxes for the blessings we enjoy in this country.”

That would be my caveat: there must first be ample breakdown in all authority that our government ceases to exist as such, closer to D&C 134:6's “anarchy and terror.” One’s back must be to the wall, with no escape or possible way to maintain one’s character, with evil pervading all levels and commissioned with essentially every act. In my humble opinion, to override the peaceable default position, it must first become a crime to remain obedient to appointed authority. Disobedience shouldn’t just be a good way to make a point, but become a moral imperative “in the course of human events.” We are still so much closer to the democratic (republican, by whatever name to describe the unique) end of the model than the tyrannical that speaking of revolt as a mode of organizing a grassroots awakening to constitutional principle is like Elder Maxwell’s quip, “pulling up the daisies to see how the roots are doing!” We might be seeing “a long train of abuses and usurpations,” but it is as yet nothing comparable to former circumstances. King George had been unresponsive—aside from increasing pressure—to all attempts at rectifying the situation as it became increasingly “intolerable.” It is important to note that Rosa Parks actually had predecessors who successfully proved to the Supreme Court’s satisfaction that there were problems with the constitutionality of various state laws.

Using D&C 58:20-22, President Lee warned in October 1972 about some even affecting “weak and unwary among Church members,” “who are taking the law into their own hands by refusing to pay their income tax because they have some political disagreement with constituted authorities. Others have tried to marshal civilians, without police authority, and to arm themselves to battle against possible dangers, little realizing that in so doing they themselves become the ones who, by obstructing the constituted authority, would become subject to arrest and imprisonment.”

So I would caution against “strain[ing] at a gnat, and swallow[ing] a camel” (Matthew 23:24, JST; see also James 2:10, as these verses have a delightful use of the concept of “law). This is the very passage which President Kimball used to denounce false applications of “budding apostates” between what they can supposedly glean from dead prophets and set against “present programs,” advancing to the point where they challenge the direction of Church leaders. Also from President Benson: “We sometimes look among our numbers to find one to whom we can point who agrees with us, so we can have company to justify our apostasy. We rationalize by saying that someday the Church doctrine will catch up with our way of thinking.” It’s a bizarre theological premise to think it laudable simply to do things of our own will which don’t actually “bring to pass much righteousness,” and which, though operating in a realm where nothing has been commanded, make havoc of that which already has been.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m very frustrated by current trends in the American political process. I think many of our elected officials forget both that they were elected and even in which nation they stand as representatives. If anyone has a tempestuous temperament, it’s me, yet I remain mindful of George Q. Cannon’s counsel that “it is not an evidence of true courage to be willing to rush into a fight. Sometimes the bravest of people shrink from any such action as this; when the time comes to fight, however, they are the bravest, and the slowest to yield.” (As Joseph warned, troublesome times will be sad enough when they come that we need not wish their hastening.) Still, I delight in pondering another of Penrose’s statements: “Back in London we had an old veteran of the army who was a member of the Church; he was ordained a priest, and used to go out and preach on the street. One Sunday he was preaching and a man came up and slapped him in the face. ‘Now,’ he cried, ‘if you are a Christian, turn the other cheek.’ So he turned it, but exclaimed, extending his clenched fist, ‘Hit again and down you go.’”

The light of Christ (human conscience) bears witness when fundamental laws universal to humanity are broken. Police beatings would be one such example. By contrast, mounds of pointless paperwork or spiraling costs seem trivial. By the way, Connor, Huebener is one of my heroes. My mother as much as told me after we watched a documentary on him that she would expect no less from how she raised me, after I expressed my admiration for his clear conscience in writing a final letter to his own mother. I have taken issue with the mentality which led many church members to become Nazi collaborators. Just as I did with Valkyrie’s characters’ recollection of the righteous few possibly saving entire cities, I took comfort from the Winter 2010 BYU Magazine’s refreshing article about German Saints who resisted as they were able, with one woman declaring, “I did enough things in contradiction to Hitler’s instructions that they should have shot me fifty times.” Speaking once of the Holocaust with a coworker of no inconsiderable moral ambivalence, I could get nothing more committal than his allegation that “no one knows how we might have acted.” I wanted to cry out, “Come on, man! At least say you HOPE you would have done something.” I’m certain that I would have had a short life expectancy in the Third Reich, as I could never stand by silently.

I’ve been known to use two groups of ancestors as examples of appropriate responses to political pressures, in different climates. Both found sanctuary in America and would marvel at what we consider oppressive by today’s standards. The first (http://historicaltextarchive.com/sections.php?action=read&artid=561), driven from Catholic Salzburg in 1731 for their beliefs, were given one and only one option: convert, or remain as they were but dispossessed of all property and forced into exile. Their Lutheran tenets—slightly simpering, I confess—about near-total submission to ruling powers had their origin in Luther’s disgustedly trying to rein in excesses (like the French Revolution in nature) from a reactionary peasant revolt. Yet even Luther wrote, “We recognize the authority, but we must rebuke our Pilates in their crime and self-confidence.” Many of the early Protestant leaders struck upon a great deal of truth in trying the virtue of the word before that of the sword, allowing speech to precede act, and charitable, positive act to precede outright rebellion.

My threefold forebear, Charles Lapierre (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Charles-Lapierre/123161644402212?v=info), and his father-in-law’s family (link within the preceding), were thorns in the side of the king of France, in a deservedly active state of rebellion. One must recall that their right of assembly was entirely revoked. Indeed, troops often fired on them when located, leaving dozens or hundreds at a time wounded and dying. Their right to bear arms was nonexistent, for the king knew innately that those times permitted the use of arms against him. One cannot say too much about the peril in which they and their families lived. But among the worst of all grievances, in that time or any other, was the proscription/prescription of religious belief. Brousson, a compatriot, wrote many times in many ways to the king, right up to the time of his execution, begging him to alter his laws in restoration of human liberties, also remonstrating that the Savior had asked His followers to assemble but the king of France disallowed it.

While I derive much that is positive from my forebears, I also learn from their mistakes. Being of entirely Confederate composition, let me just say there was an extraordinary lack of wisdom in their “nation” asserting its technical rights so assiduously in the face of other concerns. I bear some sympathy for their waiting until after losing yet another election, with little promise of having the ear of national leaders. They should serve as a haunting reminder that no sizeable political bloc can be entirely alienated. (No matter what paltry arguments to the contrary have been adduced, I feel that Joseph Smith gave the correct solution to the slavery problem, via completely calm, legal means.) States’ rights are fading as a relevant issue in our collective memory because of substantial federal encroachment.

There may presently be isolated and passing instances requiring a bold stance which is incidentally “disobedient,” primarily in a cultural setting, but I know of no prolonged requirement for it in the America of today. Inalienable rights must be at stake, not merely annoyed or even threatened. Thankfully, Jesus’ example was fairly direct in not overthrowing authority until His second coming, so that Pilate could find no fault in Him while false religious zeal despised His refusal to seize political power. (It’s wholly beyond my ability to describe here how the kingdom of God is filling the whole earth with constitutional principles, supported but not dominated by our church’s direction. Elder Oaks and others have shown how prevalent is adoption, at least in part, of our form of government.) Jesus was very clear on the payment of taxes. Regarding that incident, Muggeridge has stated, “The cleverness of that reply was of course that it didn't specify exactly how much was due to Caesar and how much to God. He left us to work that out, and it's possible, as I have discovered in the course of my long life, to whittle down what's due to Caesar in favour of what’s due to God.” At any rate, there’s no warrant for deliberately fomenting conflict where none exists and all purposes may still be served. I’ve already explained some of my belief with regard to true times of exigency, when time and circumstances would likely permit neither recourse to the law nor consultation with church authority.


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I tried to anticipate some of the continuing objections posted after my comments. A careful reading will show a surprising amount of ground was covered. I don’t lack courage or moral conviction, or probable agreement with much of the disheartenment; I differ in conviction as to proposed methods. I’m just pleading that we channel all this energy for social change into constructive measures.

Without so much as commenting on the rightness or wrongness of the civil rights movement, it emerges that the Church has clearly enough demonstrated that strategy is not presently for us. (Many acts committed during the course of that movement would never stand approved.) I concede the possibility that’s because we have not dwelt in equivalent circumstances. We demean the valid past grievances of African-Americans in equating petty causes to theirs. It’s fatuous to make every matter of our daily lives a religious article to die for, when there are enough of a genuine stamp that might present the opportunity. May we have an awareness of general authority iteration that, though true martyrdom always involves a voluntary phase, it isn’t appropriately arrived at by choosing to go out of our way to take up a cross. I would challenge others to consider Will’s conditions, in conjunction, and be quite certain of their commitment. He also started to put his finger on the underlying motives for us. We may encourage the wrong sort of inspiration if embarking on revolt simply because we want it badly. Even that which might otherwise be noble or commendable sours when done at the wrong time (or over the wrong issue).

Examples continue to abound where freedom of religion or of speech were tangibly and permanently abrogated, reasonable answers to the posed question as to whether Latter-day Saints are EVER justified (in disobedience, “civil” or otherwise). I continue to stand on an insistence that criteria for living in “times of exigency” have not been met. Even so, one example given here, wherein Daniel was apprehended for praying when decree had been made against such worship, has a seeming counterexample (Mosiah 24:11-12), where those who prayed in their hearts instead were still found faith-filled and worthy of communication with the Lord and deliverance from bondage. Whether the difference was one of individual as opposed to disruptive group disobedience where the lines still hadn’t been broken with heaven, that Daniel was simply in a position to at least believe he could do so discreetly, a more immediate threat of guaranteed death where service to God could still be given without incurring it, or something else I haven’t considered, I don’t know, I’m just putting this on the table. Seeing as one of my Facebook likes is “Dare to be a Daniel” (closest thing to “Dare to be a Mormon”), I suppose my preferred reaction in that situation is apparent. President Kimball said, “Was there any question what he should do? He could save his life by abandoning his prayers to the Living God. What was he to do? A man of integrity could not fail. Daniel was the soul of integrity.” We do find that the entrapment of Daniel’s situation was set on account of his being so virtuous that only “concerning the law of his God” could they ever hope to find occasion against him. Similarly, the edict was made under a proposition so unalterable that the king himself regretted it. Right there, we see there was no avenue for repeal or redress, whereas perhaps those subjugated by Amulon felt no perjury in less preferred, but full, obedience to the law of God while giving basic adherence to something that might stand a chance of being altered. God provided the way of escape.

President Lee taught that what “comes from the authority of the Church” may “take patience and faith,” and “it may contradict your political views,” and so forth. Apostasy in premature pushes for resistance is but one step removed from criticizing our Church leaders, in that it pretends to praise their evident lack of lent support to one’s cause of choice, while persisting therein. Elder Cook has also taught, “Some who are not authorized want to speak for the Brethren and imply that their message contains the ‘meat’ the Brethren would teach if they were not constrained to teach only the ‘milk.’ Others want to counsel the Brethren and are critical of all teachings that do not comply with their version of what should be taught. . . . We are looking beyond the mark when we elevate any one principle, no matter how worthwhile it may be, to a prominence that lessens our commitment to other equally important principles or when we take a position that is contrary to the teachings of the Brethren.” To put an end to a specious belief in a sort of convenient “doublespeak” among the Brethren, as well as to lessen the severity of Steven’s suggested civil disobedience time frame for polygamy (40 years), I turn to the First Presidency’s “Address to the World,” adopted in the April 1907 Conference:

“Deceit and fraud in the perpetuation of any religion must end in failure. A system of religion, ethics, or philosophy, to attract and hold the attention of men, must be sincere in doctrine and honest in propaganda. That the Church employs deceptive methods; that she has one doctrine for the Priesthood and another for the people; that she teaches one set of principles to her members in Zion, and another to the world, is not true. Enlightened investigation is the very means through which the Church hopes to promote belief in her principles, and extend the beneficent influence of her institutions. . . .

“If patriotism and loyalty are qualities manifested in times of peace, by just, temperate, benevolent, industrious and virtuous living; in times of trial, by patience, resistance only by lawful means to real or fancied wrongs, and by final submission to the laws of the land, though involving distress and sorrow; and in time of war, by willingness to fight the battle of the nation,—then, unquestionably, are the ‘Mormon’ people patriotic and loyal.

“The only conduct seemingly inconsistent with our professions as loyal citizens, is that involved in our attitude during the controversies that have arisen respecting plural marriage. This practice was introduced by the Prophet Joseph Smith, at Nauvoo, Illinois. The practice was continued in Utah, and published to the world as a doctrine of the Church in 1852. In the face of these facts, Brigham Young, whose position in the matter was well known, was twice appointed with the consent of the Senate, first by President Fillmore, and afterwards by President Pierce, to be the governor of this territory. It was not until 1862 that Congress enacted a law forbidding plural marriage. This law the Latter-day Saints conscientiously disregarded, in their observance of a principle sanctioned by their religion. Moreover, they believed the enactment to be violative of the Constitution, which provides that Congress shall make no law prohibiting the free exercise of religion. Notwithstanding this attitude and conduct on the part of our people, no decision of the Supreme Court upon this question was secured until 1878, more than thirty years after the settlement of Utah; nor were determined efforts made to enforce the law until a further period of five or six years had elapsed. Surely this toleration, under which the practice of plural marriage became established, binds the United States and its people, if indeed they are not bound by considerations of mercy and wisdom, to the exercise of patience and charity in dealing with this question.”

I stress that we cannot afford to resort to stripping prophetic utterance out of context, for personal gain. The Joseph F. Smith quote which Steven used unwittingly omits its proper source, leading one to believe it is joined to remarks from the April 1917 Conference (a decade after the above excerpt). In fact, the source text is contained in the Journal of Discourses, and arose during the April 1882 Conference, at the very height of the days of polygamic persecution. One of the dangers inherent to using the Journal thus has been too broad an interpretation/application of features applicable only while the practice of polygamy was permissible, and many references to constitutionality flew directly at this issue. If someone wishes to seriously establish a sure foundation of doctrine on such a matter as this, they will need to produce equally fervent sentiments from outside of that time period, with obvious pertinence to present-day societal quagmires. In assessing whether it’s acceptable for Latter-day Saints to engage in the practice, one would need to see a legitimate quotation emphasizing that civil disobedience is a great idea. It would have to offset a mounting body of evidence in opposition. (I have sought to show the reader foundational reasons why defense of polygamy was a far more drastic “right” than nearly all forms of protest issued today. President Smith spoke strongly in that vein, in the same April 1917 Conference: “I want to tell you just once more, and would tell it before all the world if I could, that I believe with all my heart, that if any man ought to be damned in this world, it is the man that will abandon the mother of his children. We do not do it, we will not do it, the Lord Almighty helping us not to do it.”)

I’m quite accepting of former-day statements where they can be shown to harmonize with latter-day preaching and practice. But one must be persuasive, and perceptive, and bring all the light, truth, and evidence to bear that is possible within human reason. I’ll continue to utilize Joseph F. Smith’s ministry, to expand a consistent view. Now, if we turn the page in Gospel Doctrine: Selections from the Sermons and Writings of Joseph F. Smith, to 408, we find this sentiment from April 1912, long post-Manifesto, speaking of the Constitution and American liberties: “We cannot go back upon such principles as these. We may go back upon those who fail to execute the law as they should. We may be dissatisfied with the decision of judges and may desire to have them removed out of their places. But the law provides ways and means for all these things to be done under the constitution of our country, and it is better for us to abide the evils that we have than to fly to greater evils that we know not what the results will be.”

Elder Talmage bound it more tightly than I have often considered, in ARTICLES OF FAITH, 422-424. As he wasn’t even a member of the First Presidency, I’m not suggesting all ramifications of his text are terribly binding, or more than informative, in nature, but what he says certainly joins a growing motif of uniform opposition to civil disobedience in our writ. I promise that I have not knowingly overlooked unfavorable quotations; I simply haven’t recalled or encountered them. I’m not on here to “please” myself or others, only to make a solid start at getting to the bottom of the truth.

From Elder Talmage, after referring to the passage about “befriending” constitutional law: “A question has many times been asked of the Church and of its individual members, to this effect: In the case of a conflict between the requirements made by the revealed word of God, and those imposed by the secular law, which of these authorities would the members of the Church be bound to obey? In answer, the words of Christ may be applied—it is the duty of the people to render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and unto God the things that are God’s. . . . In this day of comparative enlightenment and freedom there is small cause for expecting any direct interference with the rights of private worship and individual devotion; in all civilized nations the people are accorded the right to pray, and this right is assured by what may be properly called a common law of humankind. . . . Pending the overruling by Providence in favor of religious liberty, it is the duty of saints to submit themselves to the laws of their country. Nevertheless, they should use every proper method, as citizens or subjects of their several governments, to secure for themselves and for all men the boon of freedom in religious service. It is not required of them to suffer without protest imposition by lawless persecutors, or through the operation of unjust laws; but their protests should be offered in legal and proper order. The saints have practically demonstrated their acceptance of the doctrine that it is better to suffer evil than to do wrong by purely human opposition to unjust authority. And if by thus submitting themselves to the laws of the land, in the event of such laws being unjust and subversive of human freedom, the people be prevented from doing the work appointed them of God, they are not to be held accountable for the failure to act under the higher law. The word of the Lord has defined the position and duty of the people in such a contingency: [D&C 124:49, 50.]”

Next to nothing is truly “commanded” in life, per se, so in arriving at decisions we must evaluate all available counsel from God, study it out in our mind and heart, and try not to counsel Him. Plainly put, Church leadership would look with a very scrutinizing, steady eye, thinking long and hard, before putting anyone in a position of trust who had deliberately built a criminal record. If I have a “wait and see” attitude on civil disobedience, it is because we have years more of decline before I feel we’d see an alteration in affairs requiring such drastic measures. Are we making our lives of maximum benefit to humanity? Are we ever blinded to our true potential in a rage to dismantle a hated structure? To deluge society with acts which, as President Faust illustrated, would overwhelm our nation if everyone adopted such a form of dissent, is an attitude of entitlement. What’s to stop anyone and everyone from splintering the Constitution to tiny threads by pursuing their own desires in like manner? I think it detracts from the intended message, prattling, “I reject democratic discourse. I’m not budging until things are done my way.” We ought to be steadfast and immovable in good works and righteousness, and when others push upon us, not in a willful, bristling, obstructive way. I’m sorry, but in reviewing the lessons of history, I find that, even where rather immoral and at times downright wicked, our leadership so far have been no more than wannabe tyrants. Talk to me again in ten years and that might be a different story.

President Packer’s noted a growing tendency to elevate individual rights over the benefit of the community. Robert Bork wrote, “The unqualified language of the Bill of Rights and the Declaration of Independence, reflected in the continual expansion of individual rights by the judiciary, feed our national obsession about ‘rights.’ That obsession, as Harvard law professor Mary Ann Glendon has pointed out, impoverishes cultural, political, and judicial discourse. There is no more sterile form of ‘argument’ than the bald assertion of rights.” I’ve similarly observed many times, in theological disagreement, that the buzzword “agency” tends to be among the last feeble cries of an otherwise lost dissertation. There’s a powerful appeal to appealing to the powerful doctrine. Yes, we know you can do as you please. We want to know why you passionately believe your rights should be so employed, and why this should sway us toward the same end.

The Spirit as an overruler of other considerations may be a highly valid card to play, but it’s as poor a persuasive argument—in standalone capacity—as it is a good rule for life (where the immature, inexperienced, and deluded don’t mistake its impressions, for we know what Joseph Smith said about the danger of those who only think they’re acting under its influence). It is especially deficient in hypothetical theorization. What I want to know is whether members are getting genuine promptings of such fierceness to set themselves against established, settled procedure in our church’s interaction with this, the best of all human governments. If so, they’re receiving more than I am, in a field beyond what has been taught. Of course Heavenly Father could command anything, yet there’s an eagerness for authorization of a predetermined course here which gives me serious pause.

1 Nephi 10:20 IS highly applicable! I once had occasion to summarize it thus: “A common misconception has it that we may push the line and the Holy Ghost will warn us before we’ve gone too far. An official definition of sin is to act contrary to one’s knowledge. Therefore, as Latter-day Saints, how can we expect ministrations of the Spirit if we consciously enter a questionable situation? Instead, truth be told, reception of the Holy Ghost and heeding its warnings will remove all desire to ever go near there. If we allow carnal considerations to override our indoctrination in correct principles, there will likely not be confirmation from the Spirit of any sort.” If an unexpected suggestion is required, the Spirit will offer it to the mind opened and prepared by obedience. Much more recently, I wrote, “We must not rush headlong down our own paths. Sometimes we are prone to such reliance on the advance warning system of the Holy Ghost that we act as though we are daring Heavenly Father to stop us. . . . Do we realize that . . . God’s respect for our agency is so great that we become our own judges and condemners? As ‘subjects to follow after [our] own will,’ we are enticed on one hand by the devil and on the other by the Spirit. To which side will we list, or yield? It is the Holy Ghost’s office to bear record of truth, not to enforce it. Ironically, while it is the Holy Ghost which gives us authority to utter the will of heaven, we ‘must exercise [our] agency to authorize the Spirit to teach [us].’” (Extensive documentary endnotes available upon request.)

Monday, June 14, 2010

This warfare we call DATING, revisited

This will be but a pale successor thought to my original entry, over a year ago, particularly as I haven’t seen fit to do much bona fide dating. My remarks on this topic are more strictly about the culture which has arisen around the concept of dating than any real instances thereof. Not long ago, I declined an invitation to join some good brethren in a good-natured rendition of Mulan’s "A Girl Worth Fighting For," directed to a group of ladies. Feeling a tad truculent, I retorted—not adequately explaining how rare it’d be for me to sing to anyone, anyhow—that you wouldn’t see me doing that until I thought someone specific fit the title (not the content).

How goes the war? I’m only now realizing that the fact alone of dating being warfare would hardly deter me; the trouble is that I see it as someone else’s war, and a pointless one at that. Though I expect rejection, I don’t fear it. In a curious turnabout, I see such degradation as beneath me. A girl worth fighting, or dying, for doesn’t insist on it for the mere sake of an ego boost. Someone to stand with you through the storms of life oughtn’t be creating them. It’s an uphill struggle against my mother’s disbelief to say that nearly a majority of marriage stories these days appear to begin with the girl sort of despising/disdaining the guy. To my mind, this is indeed a severe inconsistency of character, likely created because their heart is occupied with the more immediate attraction of something superficial or, put more kindly, premature, which must be displaced. It also fosters an adversarial feeling, possibly verging on resentment, with the men most suited for companionship.

Princesses, lest you squander your own birthright, remember Orson F. Whitney’s counsel to the men, and consider your own situation: "‘Tis not the crowning that creates the king." The only girlfriend I’ve ever had once sent me on a fool’s errand to purchase feminine articles for her, purely for the entertainment value. (In hindsight, I see that she took a perverse pleasure in placing indignities on me.) Without a word, I completed the mission. Upon placing them in her hands, I took out a book and read the following poem (about 35% in jest), by Schiller, to her and her roommate.

Before his lion-court
Impatient for the sport,
King Francis sat one day;
The peers of his realm sat around,
And in balcony high from the ground
Sat the ladies in beauteous array.
And when with his finger he beckoned,
The gate opened wide in a second
And in, with deliberate tread,
Enters a lion dread,
And looks around
Yet utters no sound;
Then long he yawns
And shakes his mane,
And, stretching each limb,
Down lies he again.

Again signs the king, -
The next gate open flies,
And, lo! with a wild spring,
A tiger out hies.
When the lion he sees, loudly roars he about,
And a terrible circle his tail traces out.
Protruding his tongue,
past the lion he walks,
And, snarling with rage, round him warily stalks
Then, growling anew,
On one side lies down too.

Again signs the king, -
And two gates open fly,
And, lo! with one spring,
Two leopards out hie.
On the tiger they rush, for the fight nothing loth,
But he with his paws seizes hold of them both
And the lion, with roaring, gets up, - then all’s still,
The fierce beasts stalk around, madly thirsting to kill.

From the balcony raised high above
A fair hand lets fall down a glove
Into the lists, where ‘tis seen
The lion and tiger between.

To the knight, Sir Delorges, in tone of jest, Then speaks young Cunigund fair;
"Sir Knight, if the love that thou feel’st in thy breast
Is as warm as thou’rt wont at each moment to swear,
Pick up, I pray thee, the glove that lies there!"

And the knight, in a moment, with dauntless tread,
Jumps into the lists, nor seeks to linger,
And, from out the midst of those monsters dread,
Picks up the glove with a daring finger.

And the knights and ladies of high degree
With wonder and horror the action see,
While he quietly brings in his hand the glove,
The praise of his courage each mouth employs;
Meanwhile, with a tender look of love,
The promise to him of coming joys,
Fair Cunigund welcomes him back to his place.
But he threw the glove point-blank in her face:
"Lady, no thanks from thee I’ll receive!"
And that selfsame hour he took his leave.

And so I continue to have such feelings, only with different application. Worst of all was the sinking realization, upon having occasionally performed such feats, that rather than bestowing such amorous (but meaningless) returns, women frowned and expressed that they wished someone else had done them. As I wonder just what I did NOT sacrifice for that woman in the past—since at her behests I also quit two jobs and moved to another state with no prospects, etc., etc.—I now say that I have forevermore made all the sacrifices I intend to make in order to acquire love, though not to secure, keep, nurture, and serve it. Since love ought to be unselfishly given, in any event, I don’t see what the hubbub is about "earning" a girl’s attention or "winning" her affection. Nothing should be required beyond innate recommendation for a man of integrity to have a position in the line-up, so I reserve my efforts for the "good fight." The bravest knights in the realm need not condescend to the present scraping and bowing. Any act I undertake for a woman is so totally divorced from expectations that she should rest in the assurance that any romantic intent would be purely unintentional and likely unconscious.

I choose not to compete. Seriously, what abilities I may have been blessed with are meant for use, not display. It’s an apples and oranges thing, something like having a woman demand that a Navy SEAL on his way to the front stop and join a street brawl. I suppose I could whip out my skill set, but it appears that most girls really do prefer the more inefficient, barbaric style. (Really, I wish the women would consider that so many statistically are marrying jerks because of how this encourages men to be puffed up and devoid of brotherly love.) This is amusing, when one can look past its tragic nature, to those who have seen real battle and haven’t merely spent sporting time sparring with other men. As early as February, 2001, with no earthly idea of how much still awaited me, I could already write, "You look at me and see scars on every limb, But far more scarred is the heart within."

If a lady besought my protection in a truly worthwhile cause, then I would be at her service, though it proved a Thermopylae Pass to me. I can safely say that my type knows what's eternally at stake and where the battle lines are really drawn, and can draw these distinctions rapidly and regularly.

Monday, March 1, 2010

“If possible, they shall deceive the very elect,...according to the covenant.... And whoso treasureth up my word shall not be deceived” (JS–M 1:22,37)

On a whim, I’ll wax exceedingly nostalgic again. I say nostalgic because these personal reminiscences, covering a time for which I’ve never publicly told the tale (or even privately in more than small pieces), once led me to declare that it had been one rough year. Subsequent experiences compel me upon reflection to say it was nothing much to blink at. God grants perspective in humility. I might add that anything suggestive of imbalance in my life should be taken with a firm recollection that my life has been and always will be anything but normal. I have not always asked to be so different, but I’ve sought to know what God would have me do with it when there’s no alternative.

AGE OF INNOCENCE
To set the stage, the onset of 2001 brought continuation of an odd relationship. This, in brief, is but preliminary to the real events of the year, so please bear with me, realizing that failed romance is invariably upstaged by more pressing concerns in my life! The previous semester, I had been in a German class which paired us off with secret partners. Nearly the whole class began to follow the prolific conversation which I conducted with mine via Blackboard. (There’s only one person on earth who has ever evoked German poetry from me!) Once we each had discovered who the other person was, we continued to communicate. Before long, we had "day dates," or whatever you call them. However, it soon became apparent that I was helping her fill time before her missionary came home. Yet one day she had told me she saw potential in us; immediately afterward, she fled emotionally, and it was never the same again. I didn’t know that my own unfamiliarity with having a girl want to spend time with me was destroying some objectivity on whether it was a good idea, in any event. My good friend was correct in observing that she was treating me like a "eunuch" in her court. That Valentine’s Day, I finally declined to attend her little party. (My parents were proud of me.) That triggered a series of events in which she was clearly incensed with me. I made the mistake of replying with a great deal of honesty about how she made me feel, and it was, all told, actually a fairly ugly ending. These days, she’s slightly famous, but not for anything I’d consider worthwhile. She was really nothing much to wink at. God preserves us from winding up with the wrong people.

My father is capable of exceptional honesty. He it was who first warned me that the girl in question wasn’t really worthy of my attentions, and he would be among the first to issue a similar warning in later years. It can be frustrating, really, when someone anticipates trouble before you can take a step or two in any direction. ;-) (It’s somewhat telling that he more or less agrees that traditional dating doesn’t suit me. He would rather I didn’t attempt it, for my own health. He and my mother were both wrong, though, about my move back to Provo in the summer of 2008, which proved healthy except for my lingering about four months beyond expiration.) At any rate, while Dad was slightly brusque about my need to brush myself off and get back into life again, upon hearing one demeaning statement the girl had made, he responded, "She obviously didn’t know you, Kris." That has become my watchcry to every rejection I’ve experienced since that time—except for one peculiar situation, in which the girl knew me well enough that she didn’t feel she could ever bridge our own gap, not that she gave me a chance to assist. (More than one person has commented that she gave up on herself, not on me.) That summer of 2001, I did recover, and rapidly at that. While continuing to work for a publishing company, I privately wrote a 200+ page manuscript on Matthew 5:48. God is a refuge and a sanctuary.

As summer changed to fall and I was pieced back together well enough to think of academic pursuits again, I happened to be stood up on a date for the second time. I dismissed this: not as happenstance, but as irrelevant. There are always things I could change. I have no doubt I could convey a more "confident" (read optimistic in its stead, and you’re not far from the truth) exterior, but the fact remains that my interior was sufficiently given over to God that I could confidently reply, "She obviously didn’t know me."

It was about this time that I began intense study of Church periodicals in the BYU library which I had not been able previously to obtain for my own library. My studies had already been in earnest for many years. If there was a school dance or something, I’d only sequester myself for that much longer. From that was also born another of my mottoes, phrased in various ways, but in effect: I’m going to have more to show for this evening than disappointment. I also was apparently the only student who ever regularly stopped by certain offices in the Joseph Smith Building and asked to borrow certain old Conference Reports, which I would read outside in the hallway and then return. I had many positive associations with professors who would stop and talk with me there. Once a fellow declared that he’d seen me in the temple the other day. He didn’t understand my perplexity about when that was, seeing as I’d attended several nights in a row. This is why a year later, one roommate forced reluctant agreement from me that I could afford to attend the temple less and go on more dates. (I hated admitting that when I felt emotional pressure rising, I’d rearrange all my affairs to rush off to the temple—not, of course, to the exclusion of duties and obligations.) All the same, I’ve never regretted a temple trip, and dating has yet to yield anything of eternal value! ;-) In many instances, the deceased (ever and always kindred) have been decidedly kinder. Furthermore, I can’t say books have been more beneficial than people, but I can without hesitation say they’ve been more beneficial than dates, to date.

As for those who’ve declared to me that single guys should never take girls to the temple, I retort that they’ve formed odd conceptions about the mingling of the sexes since baptism for the dead days at 12. Were they flirting then? I’ve been on enough "dates" that didn’t play to my strengths. The temple is one of my only safe zones, practically the only security on earth. It’s the most uplifting activity I can imagine, and so much more fun than what most youth do these days! Only an inexperienced idiot would confuse feelings of lust with the Spirit, or conjure up some impression that they must marry someone solely based on such outings. Believe me, I was once stuck with someone who talked like she appreciated the temple, but never would go. If there ever happened to be a chance I could marry, it stands to reason I’d need a pool of good women with whom I associate who actually enjoy going to the temple, though that would hardly be the determining factor. Besides, I need their help for female ordinances. What’s more, I wouldn’t even WANT to cozy up in the Celestial Room!

SATAN’S SEMESTER
On September 2, I received unusual forewarning "that I ‘may be on higher planes’ than my teachers, but to bear patiently with what I’m asked to learn and write. I should only stir things up if a matter of true principle is crossed." This ominous admonition proved to be the theme of the semester. Two days later, I sat in a "Literature of the LDS People" classroom as the teacher dragged us through atrocious stories, which for no apparent reason had to cover such topics as animal mutilation. He was proud of his work picked up by Signature Books, which he self-proclaimed to be the "Sunstone" of publishing. Sunstone is universally understood to be among those "symposia and other similar gatherings that include presentations that (1) disparage, ridicule, make light of, or are otherwise inappropriate in their treatment of sacred matters or (2) could injure the Church, detract from its mission, or jeopardize its members’ well-being." By some torturous reasoning I never could understand, he touted that we would be studying some anti-Mormon writings as well. He expanded the definition of "LDS literature" to incorporate anything by someone who had once been LDS, or pretty much was about the LDS at all. It was not our task to "question testimonies." To this, I raised my hand and said it’s one thing to struggle with your testimony and it’s assuming an entirely different level of accountability to publish such a struggle.

He was going to tell me that I don’t understand LDS literature if I haven’t read the writings of an author whom Presidents Kimball and Lee agreed produced trash? At that point in time, it was quite possible I’d already studied more doctrine than anyone else in that room (in particular the teacher), and he was suggesting that I hadn’t truly experienced "LDS literature." One girl protested vigorously, saying that they sometimes had to look at harsh things in her psychology studies, but nothing approached the negative spirit connected with what he was teaching. She got up and left. If she weren’t wearing a ring, I would have followed and asked her out on the spot. Long story short, I wanted something done about the situation. Not just to hold my own ground, but to deprive the teacher of some of his in a world gone mad. Merely dropping the class myself would leave plenty of sheep at the mercy of a wolf. In common with all anti-Christs, he was a master of language, posing actively as a friend, possibly even deceiving himself into that belief regarding his intentions. From the time that they joined the Church, my parents had hoped my sister and I would be able to attend BYU. This was not part of their hopes for us, to say nothing of being foreign to the tone from the Board of Regents.

I determined to write a letter spelling out what he had said. I really and truly did not know who the dean of the English Department was at the time, but I had the strong and distinct impression that the problem was pervasive enough that I should ignore the chain of command. In an unusual breach of protocol, I composed a letter directly to President Bateman. In it, I pointed out my concern that by driving out sensitive students on the first day (a very sinister ploy), he thereby avoided a balanced end-of-the-semester evaluation, so I intended to give mine up front and then save myself the damage of taking his course. His response was very polite, thanked me for the "thoughtful and concerned" letter, and (as a copy was sent to the dean) actually urged the dean to consider it in addressing his associates, and maybe even to take it up with the teacher in question. Two weeks later, he made some observations in a devotional which will prove still more relevant in upcoming paragraphs:

If you are a young person, it is especially important that you have the light and faith to make right decisions, to discern good from evil, to hold onto and develop the things that the Lord has in store for you. It is interesting that Satan offered Adam and Eve the opportunity to know good and evil (see Genesis 3:5). In contrast, Mormon indicates the purpose of mortality is to help us to "know good from evil" (Moroni 7:19; emphasis added). One can know evil without tasting it. . . .

The most important function of Brigham Young University is to provide you with an enlightened environment. I have heard some complain—primarily people outside the Church—that this campus does not provide enough choice. Since choice is made possible by opposites, the logical conclusion of their statement is that there is too much light at BYU and not enough darkness. They seem to suggest that we should "search in the dark"—at least part of the time—to prepare for the "real" world. Last week’s events suggest that there is enough evil in the world without inviting it into our lives. Moreover, Mormon’s words suggest that one need not partake of evil in order to gain knowledge. . . .

So, regardless of where you are, search in the light. It is better to search in the light of day assisted by knowledgeable friends than at night with Lucifer holding the flashlight. . . .

In the end, the opportunity to acquire spiritual knowledge will depend on your sensitivity to the Spirit. (Learning in the Light of Faith [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Company, 2005], 211, 221)

It just so happens that I had a course that semester with the dean. He was miffed, and sent what was unmistakably a condescending letter. He assured me that he always instructed his teachers to instruct by the Spirit (therefore, it must happen), and reminded me that the scriptural mandate was "if thy brother or sister offend thee, thou shalt take him or her between him or her and thee alone" (D&C 42:88). I bit my tongue in the instantaneous reaction that: a) this silken-speaking man would never acknowledge ANY student as his peer; b) the sheer extent and monstrosity of his speech indicated that he was already in the camp more fit to "deliver . . . up unto the church" (D&C 42:89); and c) that the principle more likely at play in his case was "if any one offend openly, he or she shall be rebuked openly, that he or she may be ashamed" (D&C 42:91). I had not considered this a personal affront at all. As Lorenzo Snow stated, "When the Priesthood [or Church] is assailed, we should be more valiant in its defense than when the offense is merely personal" (in Eliza R. Snow, Biography and Family Record of Lorenzo Snow, 109). I’d actually had the nerve to briefly quote, in a friendly spirit, to President Bateman, from George Q. Cannon in expressing my feelings about the man’s course: "I made it a point never to read books or papers which villify [sic] this people. I really have too little time to read the works and papers which are instructive and pleasant to me, and with which I ought to be familiar, to spend one moment of time in reading abusive, lying and slanderous writings concerning this people or myself" (JD, 17:126). It was around this time that I first began having frequent recourse to one of President McKay’s statements:
Men in Israel, it is time that we take a stand against vile literature. . . . It is the duty of the parent also to keep the boy’s mind from becoming polluted with the vile trash that is sometimes scattered—nay, that is daily distributed among us. There is inconsistency in a man’s kneeling down with his family in prayer, and asking God to bless the leader of our Church, and then put into the hands of the boy, who was kneeling there, a paper that calls the leader a hypocrite. . . .

May be [sic] those are the great men who are writing the scurrilous articles, and these whom they attack are not the great men? Some may say: Give the children an opportunity to hear both sides. Yes, that is all well and good; but if a man were to come into your home and say to you that your mother is not a good woman, you would know he lied; wouldn’t you? And you wouldn’t let your children hear him. If a man came and told you that your brother was dishonest, and you had been with him all your life and knew him to be honest, you would know the man lied. So when they come and tell you the Gospel is a hypocritical doctrine, taught by this organization, when they tell you the men at the head are insincere, you know they lie; and you can take the same firm stand on that, being sincere yourself[,] as you could in regard to your mother and brother. Teach your children, your boys and girls everywhere, to keep away from every bad book and all bad literature, especially that which savors of hatred, or envy, or malice, that which bears upon it the marks of hypocrisy, insincerity, edited by men who have lost their manhood. (CR, Oct. 1908, 112)
At any rate, the dean closed his letter with the insinuation that so long as we can’t get along as a people, we’ll never be effective with the world. This in large part prompted my quotation from numerous sources in a subsequent talk that there is such a thing as unity in evildoing (remember all those secret combinations, Sodom, Gomorrah, or Babel itself?), but for us the clear counsel is "have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them" (Ephesians 5:11). When Paul was shut out by one apostate bishop’s haughtiness, it’s lamentable that the congregation united with him in rejection of the greater light. I’ve also noted how often it’s been driven home in my life that there are nonmembers who speak to me of an honestly ethical life, independently of our differences, while many a sly member has put their arm around me, metaphorically speaking, to discourse on a dishonestly unethical life. I get along famously with the honest in heart, whether they’ve found the truth yet or not.

I’m reminded of the summer many, many years ago when I stayed with my fourth cousin and her husband, elderly, enthusiastic genealogists. The husband constantly praised how healthy and pleasant the Mormons were, and was pleased as punch when a repairman turned out to be a member and told me where the nearest meetinghouse was. Regrettably, it was too far away for them to transport me, so this good man decided that we should all go make new friends that Sunday. Imagine a Baptist and a Mormon attending a Mennonite service in central Georgia! I didn’t feel compromised in the least, especially as we gathered in a trailer afterward and these very, very fine people talked about all the conservative values that many "mainstreamers" out in the world have forgotten. My cousin and I fervently agreed with a quotation they read from one of their ancestors, and then from Menno Simons. This wasn’t the quotation, but I thought I’d share something neat that Simons wrote: "And although infants have neither faith nor baptism, think not therefore that they are lost. O no! they are saved, for they have the Lord’s own promise of the Kingdom of God; not indeed through any element, ceremony or external rites, but only by grace through Jesus Christ."

I well remember an elderly Mennonite woman who came up and wanted to make sure I understood thoroughly how much Jesus loved me. That’s right: there was more of the devil’s kingdom in that classroom at BYU under a wormtongue’s tutelage than out in the woods of Georgia surrounded by those not of my faith. My biggest issue is with those who willfully choose not to know better, especially the traitors to the faith who spread their confusion. I finally vented this in a dream in November 2007, wherein I thwarted the designs of two devilish men and then shouted at no one in particular, "I HATE FALSE DOCTRINE!" Around the time I was having all these troubles, more of which will soon be detailed, I also had a British poetry class with Leslie Norris. He was a delightful man with all the gentility and gentleness of a countryside poet, who wrote with an elegant Welsh script and spoke softly. He also wasn’t LDS. When I dropped a Brigham Young quotation in response to some passage, I believe either Coleridge or Wordsworth, he replied that it was a beautiful thought and added a secular quotation to the general idea, which I was grateful to have. However, with a different teacher (who will soon be portrayed), when I quoted Brigham Young in a sense with absolutely direct bearing on the topic about which I was supposed to write—keep in mind, this is at Brigham Young University—she was merely confused and wondered what it had to do with anything (perhaps because I wasn’t sustaining her position).

Anyway, I stuck with the course I had under the dean of the English Department. I imagine at first it frustrated him a great deal that I was far too amiable to resemble the warped person he believed he’d just put in his place. Don’t worry—he frustrated me, too. He made much ado for months in every possible comment to me that no man should presume to correct another until he has mastered himself. Oh, how I wanted to say, "Right back at you, mister!" In fact, like so much else in life, I endured quite a long semester, though his class was not my biggest concern. Still, I was rather annoyed at the considerable care he put into always arranging dialog which seemed to dichotomize matters of faith on purpose. One of his favorite expressions was once utilized by B.H. Roberts:

I wish I knew who it was that said, "In essentials let there be unity; in non-essentials, liberty; and in all things, charity." But if I ever knew who said it I cannot now remember who it was, and I don’t know that it matters, because the beauty and truth of the utterance is self-evident. It is one of those things which the world has accepted into its literature as being true and sensible, and it matters little who said it since it does not require other authority than the thing itself to commend it to men. (CR, Oct. 1912, 30)

I won’t contend that there are no adiaphora (non-essentials) in religion, but it’s refreshing that at that same Conference (pp. 63-64), Charles W. Penrose of the First Presidency (a very distant cousin of mine through Welsh ancestry), once referred to by Joseph F. Smith as his scriptorian, took that quotation to task as "very attractive at first sight and first hearing." He wound up with, "liberty in essentials—that is, the liberty to receive or reject when a principle or doctrine or idea is presented to us; we have the liberty to receive it and we have the liberty to reject it, but we take the consequences of our own act because we are responsible beings, intelligent beings, and there is a day appointed in which all people shall be judged for the deeds done in the body."

This English dean was one of those who loved to take the Satan in Milton’s work as his hero. I recorded in my journal, "The teacher and some student tried to say that Satan’s ‘unconquerable will’ at least is praiseworthy. I also find such a phrase in Alma 52:33, and it still only strikes me as stubbornness or zeal in abomination." He hosted insuperably interminable discussions about how one can truly have freedom regarding the wrong choice when all they’ve ever made is the "right" choice, along with truly pointless discussions about how it could be fair to condemn people who didn’t know everything about the light when they settle for the darkness, and speculation about hell. I wanted to "play God’s advocate" and ask how much liberty remains to someone who propels themself into the Grand Canyon, and why spend so long on a fate of which God—surely smarter than any professor—has spoken that "the end thereof, neither the place thereof, nor their torment, no man knows; Neither was it revealed, neither is, neither will be revealed unto man, except to them who are made partakers thereof" (D&C 76:45-46). I say this only because of the extreme liberties and many hours put into going well beyond even what Milton artistically depicted.

The teacher was starting to sound like Satan: "Knowledge forbidd’n? Suspicious, reasonless. Why should thir Lord Envie them that? can it be sin to know, Can it be death? and do they onely stand By Ignorance, is that thir happie state, The proof of thir obedience and thir faith?" (Paradise Lost, 4.514-527). My dissent was not a product of inattention to the text! I wished we’d have more fruitful conversation (searching "in the light," as it were)! One day it was a tremendous relief when a fellow student was waiting for me outside, having recognized in me a kindred intelligence. That good man, who I believe went on to strengthen the law profession, shared an extreme impatience with the actually stupid discussions of those who prefer debating obedience to discovery through practice.

On another occasion, this teacher felt the need to end a class with the statement that we should believe whatever we wanted to about a certain subject, just not to let it affect our salvation. It also just so happens that Joseph Fielding Smith taught that what one believes about this matter would inevitably affect our salvation, and President Benson counted it among the falsehoods in crying need of combating. One of my best friends—who will appear elsewhere in this roving narrative—occasionally implied that I should put a filter on my holy zeal, and outright stated that I should be more patient with this professor. In one of life’s little ironies, some years later my friend ended up in the dean’s ward, with the former dean as Gospel Doctrine teacher. In telling me of this situation, he first talked about the extraordinary number who feel that just because the Brethren are polite, the mike is open for discussion on matters about which there’s really no discussion. Then he proceeded to tell me how this teacher spent countless time exploring scriptural characters’ human foibles rather than telling the story in any faith-promoting, productive fashion. With a weary sigh, he conveyed to me as strongly as was necessary, an apology for not understanding how much patience it took to bear with the man.

It’s important, albeit not all-important, as it doesn’t confer authority by itself, to note that this friend taught institute for decades and spent some time on the Sunday School General Board. I’ve made it a point for years to teach that every gospel student’s responsibility is to "trust no one to be your teacher nor your minister, except he be a man of God, walking in his ways and keeping his commandments" (Mosiah 23:14), and every teacher’s responsibility, certainly when in church, is to consider himself appointed by the Savior to teach for that limited segment of time what the Savior wants His followers to learn. However much we may like the intellectually stimulating or the novel, that was not Jesus’ purpose in teaching.

But the primary antagonist that Fall 2001 was my Persuasive Writing teacher. She chose all the hot topics and made it apparent from the outset that it would gratify her immensely if the students argued from the wrong side of the equation. I have since then learned that many great men, including Abraham Lincoln and Woodrow Wilson, adamantly refused to ever advocate for a position in which they did not believe. Ours is the task to find God’s truth and then remain steadfast in it. It was with considerable displeasure that I had to finish one response paper, which I opened with language similar to Elder Oaks’: "We rely on the prophets of God, who have told us that while there may be ‘rare’ exceptions, ‘the practice of elective abortion is fundamentally contrary to the Lord's injunction, "Thou shalt not . . . kill, nor do anything like unto it" (D&C 59:6).’ (Supplement to the 1989 General Handbook of Instructions, Salt Lake City: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1991, 1.)" (With Full Purpose of Heart [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Company, 2002], 32). It was astonishing to see the students fawning at her feet, who in a display of what Joseph F. Smith called "unwise sympathies" would permit exceptional accounts of pathos to overrule the teachings fundamental to Brigham Young University. However she stated it, she was not trying to assist their articulation against the common foe—she was enlisting them in his favor.

I employed the plain language of the gospel against her stances often, if nothing else to encourage her to choose whom she served and come out openly with her declaration as to actual allegiance. That is in large measure why she resisted my use of prophetic quotes. Curiously, one year earlier I had completed an intense personal study in the failures of many Christian denominations to meet the challenge two generations earlier of liberalism, which one author astutely identified as a competing religion which excelled at making inroads in a chameleon fashion. I adapted one analogy, as she was particularly attuned to politics, in declaring that no secret member of an independent party should by right be sent to represent the Democrats or Republicans and then proceed to demolish the entire platform, all the while calling oneself by an assumed stripe.

President Benson once, in speaking at BYU, quoted an admiral on this process: "Here we should recall the warning of the late Dean Inge: ‘History seems to show that the powers of evil have won their greatest triumphs by capturing the organizations which were formed to defeat them, and that when the devil has thus changed the contents of the bottles, he never alters the labels. The fort may have been captured by the enemy, but it still flies the flag of its defenders.’" Many descriptions of the original apostasy describe a revolution that stealthily took out the leadership and supplanted their guidance. I don’t doubt that it was important to her to have a class discussion about the harmful use of labels, making sure that "liberal" made it to the top of the list. Switching out identities is a readymade method for winning lots of debates. None of this clearcut identification of what something actually is, for President Lee sent many packing when he boldly declared (THBL, 394):
Unfortunately, some are among us who claim to be Church members but are somewhat like the scoffers in Lehi’s vision—standing aloof and seemingly inclined to hold in derision the faithful who choose to accept Church authorities as God’s special witnesses of the gospel and His agents in directing the affairs of the Church.

There are those in the Church who speak of themselves as liberals who, as one of our former Presidents has said, "read by the lamp of their own conceit" (Joseph F. Smith, Gospel Doctrine [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1939], p. 373). One time I asked one of our Church educational leaders how he would define a liberal in the Church. He answered in one sentence: "A liberal in the Church is merely one who does not have a testimony."

Dr. John A. Widtsoe, former member of the Quorum of the Twelve and an eminent educator, . . . . said: "The self-called liberal [in the Church] is usually one who has broken with the fundamental principles or guiding philosophy of the group to which he belongs. . . . He claims membership in an organization but does not believe in its basic concepts; and sets out to reform it by changing its foundations. . . ."
We should be liberal with our means, not our minds. Early on, in private conversation with me—for I thought I’d give a go of the whole between one person and the other thing—she professed to me that it was an extreme sense of watchcare for her students that led her to "prepare" them for what they might encounter institutionally, say, back East. Would that be by giving them an exact duplication of the experience? Might as well destroy or dampen their faith here, so it’s not done by someone else? Soon her pretenses dropped, and I realized it was something like a declaration of warfare, done in such a guarded and subtle manner that I wound up summarizing it on the end-of-semester evaluation as "a war of attrition." I could almost outlast the forces of nature. ;-) Her avowed goal was "to change [my] mind." She utterly failed, as I don’t do that at the behests of messengers who speak contrary to the will of the Father. I often caught her attempting to cross me in my words, setting traps, and seeking openings of any logical fallacy, perceived or actual, in any defense I might make.

One common tactic of such "liberal" underminers is taking isolated scripture, wresting it, and pummeling their opposition therewith. I recall one peer session to review each other’s papers, wherein they—floored—conceded that mine was not even of the same substance (or lack thereof) as theirs. I utilized the very same scripture one fellow had used and, in combination with many others and general authority direction, arrived at almost the exact diametric opposite conclusion. One girl queried whether I was majoring "in theology." I promise, I’m not refining this blog account at all. I’m not even trying to be persuasive here; I figure even the receptive are repulsed by the sheer length anyway. The teacher stopped exposing my ideology to my classmates. I would have been amused by another analogy I read contemporaneously with such experiences, if it didn't ring so depressingly true:


Many years ago, I had the great pleasure of serving as second counselor in the Sunday School presidency, with specific responsibility for what was then the Junior Sunday School. Each Sunday I would watch a particular father bring his son to Sunday School. The boy would be crying and screaming, begging not to be turned over to the teacher. I watched the father take him up to his classroom, push him through the door, and then hold the doorknob on the other side so the son could not leave, while inside the classroom the boy’s teacher tried to comfort him. It was almost as if the father were saying, "I haven’t the patience or the time to train this young man. I am turning him over to you, teacher, to teach him how to be reverent in his Sunday School class."

I had almost the same feeling some time ago when I spent a few hours with the president of Brigham Young University. I had asked for an appointment to discuss with him what the priesthood could do to help students live in accordance with the honor code at BYU. The honor code (which all BYU students agree to follow while attending the university) specifies acceptable and unacceptable behaviors for students at that institution. As I listened to the leader of that great university, I was reminded of my experience in Junior Sunday School many years ago. I had the feeling that many parents were bringing their children to the doorstep of BYU, pushing them through the door, then holding onto the doorknob, expecting the university to assume the responsibility for training up their children.

This same feeling comes to me occasionally when I interview missionaries who are experiencing difficulties in the mission field. Some parents must think, "If only we can send our child on a mission, it will make up for the many years we have neglected to teach him or her the principles of the gospel." . . . (L. Tom Perry, Enthusiasm [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Company, 1996], 15-16)
How sad that so many unprepared children were taken up by a "sympathizer" within the room, one who provoked their very outcry and directed it against the authorities! The pulse of ignorance was channeled as a roar of hostility, somehow seeking to alter or eliminate the very things that promise happiness. This manifested itself shortly in a most insidious form. One day she brought out her prized document, a piece that appeared many years earlier in the Daily Universe. A professor had written in that BYU was too selective in its forums/devotionals and repressive in its code of conduct, urging from the "opposition in all things" that "a lack of risk is present." She also used this as a springboard to launch an attack on the dress code, and I kid you not. True to form, we didn’t study a single opposing piece—so much for developing rudimentary forensic ability. (At the time this first came out, another professor made an able counterargument for BYU’s integrity...in a devotional, no less, apparently being trustworthy enough. There is a possible allusion in some of the prophet’s remarks as well.) It’s also noteworthy that the same friend mentioned earlier got a look at what he called that "puerile" document and remarked that I was probably the only student in that class strong enough to withstand its enticement.

On September 27, when we returned to class having read this assignment, which I summed up as breathing a spirit hostile to our religion, she exuberantly played to the audience, "Who liked it?" I’m pretty sure that at least 90-95% of the hands went up. Then, with a slight scowl on her brow, looking in my direction, she asked, "Who didn’t like it?" Up went my hand, prominently and, to my mind, reminiscent of the sustaining gesture of which I felt this was a part and parcel. I stood alone, and somehow she was taken aback. The only cute girl in the class wouldn’t even look me in the eyes thereafter, but I had no chance with women anyway, and why sell out for someone whose soul is sold out? My forebears never worried about how the deck was stacked against them, so why should I, with access to the fulness of the everlasting gospel? She attempted to move on quickly, but someone raised their hand and said, "I want to know why Kris disagreed." I had a brief opportunity to explain that my agency was in full enjoyment and exercise in the blessing and privilege of attending BYU and upholding its institutions. What I signed to enter its doors, I did with full knowledge and accountability, and considered it binding like a covenant.

I could not rest simply with that defense, as there was a burning in my bones. Later, at home, I woke up from a deep sleep and immediately cranked out a seven page rebuttal to the offensive article. It was no masterpiece and I had to draw on the resources then at my disposal. Since that time, I have filled pages with references to quotations I wish I’d had then. (Yet I must say it dawned bright and clear on me one day that this teacher wouldn’t be paying attention to an apostle either, if they were in my place.) One such example comes from President Packer, as contained in Mine Errand from the Lord, 348-349, 354-358:


There is the temptation for college teachers, in the Church and outside of it, to exercise their authority to give assignments and thereby introduce their students to degradation under the argument that it is part of our culture. Teachers in the field of literature are particularly vulnerable. . . .

Such will not go unnoticed in the eternal scheme of things. Those who convey a degraded heritage to the next generation will reap disappointment by and by.

Teachers would do well to learn the difference between studying some things, as compared to studying about them. . . .

Each year, many fall victim in the colleges and universities. There, as captive audiences, their faith, their patriotism, and their morality are lined up against a wall and riddled by words shot from the mouths of irreverent professors. . . .

How can we justify expending those sacred funds on a student who will dishonor the agreement he signed at the time of admission or on the salary of a faculty member who has his own agenda, which is at variance with the central mission of the Church, particularly when there is a lineup, ever growing, of both students and teachers waiting and anxious to come to learn or to teach and advance the mission of the university and the central mission of the Church? . . .

Granted, there may be a few among you who feel uncomfortable with the conservative philosophy at Church schools. Each has his choice. If it is a different lifestyle you choose, you are not chained here. There are plenty of places to find whatever lifestyle you desire.

But together with you, we will maintain this university with a style of its own. We who love this university will not allow some few to alter the lifestyle here. . . .

Those who think standards contradict their agency may wish to read the 78th verse of Section 101. . . .

Do not be intimidated by one who advocates philosophies or behavior that are in opposition to the standards set by the Lord. . . . Students in our schools have both the right and the responsibility to challenge such teachings. That may be part of your test. A student or a teacher who feels uncomfortable in our environment is free to choose another, but they are not free to substitute their own ideals or standards of behavior for those expected in an institution supported by the tithes and offerings of the Saints. . . .

In the Church we are not neutral. We are one-sided. There is a war going on, and we are engaged in it. It is the war between good and evil, and we are belligerents defending the good. . . . I want to say in all seriousness that there is a limit to the patience of the Lord with respect to those who are under covenant to bless and protect His Church and kingdom upon the earth but do not do it. . . .

One time I heard the president of a great eastern university describe his school in these words, "We can best serve as a neutral territory—a kind of arbiter where people can come to reason."

This could not be said of [Brigham Young University]. This school is not neutral; it is committed; it is one-sided; it is prejudiced, if you will, in favor of good, of decency, of integrity, of virtue, and of reverence, in a word, in favor of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

This school is not a playing field where good and evil are invited to joust with one another to see which one may win. Evil will find no invitation to contest here. This is a training ground for a single team.
In my position piece, among many other things, I asserted that I went to the temple not to hear the opposing argument, but to see it handily dismissed in favor of light and knowledge. I then ranked BYU with that edifice and the home in sanctity, with an obvious allusion to "stand ye in holy places, and be not moved" (D&C 87:8). I’m omitting all my references and a great deal of text, but present a small sampling of how I threw down the gauntlet:
Usually when we express concern for others, that concern involves persuading them to lay hold of the iron rod—not to be sure we remind them that they can let go any time. They will have their turn with the devil, if they haven’t already. If you stand there long enough coaching them on the possibility of choosing evil, any reasonable person would begin to wonder which side you’re on. The fulness of Nephi’s intent was to "persuade men to come unto the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, and be saved" (1 Ne. 6:4). . . .

Satan and his hosts of devils are sufficient temptation without our needing to wilfully allow more agents to walk about campus. . . . Experience teaches us that there are many prepared to show us an alternate way if we forsake the path. For the sake of your agency, and in the name of Christ, resist them. Never mind what they might say about someone else’s agency in their efforts to get you to swallow their pill. . . .

Those who descend to misrepresentations of scripture describing the plan God operates for us, as if we could take that plan in our hands, will encounter my "opposition." By their own arguments—namely, that the necessary opposition which God has in store for us should be sought out by the machinations of man—I trust there is little room for complaint that they have found an opponent in my person.
I carried my little persuasive packet into class and followed proper channels, presenting it to the T.A. She was stunned as I told her that I’d prepared a persuasive writing argument against the "risk" article, and asked her to allow students access to it. (In a similar manner, I was once in a ward quite prone to allowing individual members, week after week, to announce their Sunday evening parties in general priesthood. To throw myself into the breach as offering an alternative more in keeping with the day’s holiness, seeing that they were permitted their run of things, I finally stood and announced that I would have gospel study and ice cream at my place. Even though no one ever came to see me, that successfully quieted the rash of irreverent declarations.) I have to say, it required an enormous amount of bravery to accept a copy of my paper in front of the teacher and her compliant classroom. One soul, only one soul, ventured to volunteer to read it. And great shall be my joy with him in the kingdom of heaven, while thousands of others learn to their dismay what President Joseph Fielding Smith expressed:

If a man should labor all his days and convert but one soul, he should have great joy in the kingdom of our Father, and if he should convert many souls, then much greater would be that joy. Reversing the picture, he who blinds one soul, he who spreads error, he who destroys, through his teachings, divine truth, truth that would lead a man to the kingdom of God and to its fulness, how great shall be his condemnation and his punishment in eternity. For the destruction of a soul is the destruction of the greatest thing that has ever been created. (Take Heed to Yourselves!, 190)
The following class period, as he entered the class, he lightly tapped me on the arm and said that he had enjoyed it. With some reluctance, another individual whose curiosity overcame his dutifulness to the teacher asked to see the paper. I don’t know what came of that, but he certainly didn’t take up arms against me.

This teacher began staying up nights, feverishly filling margins on my papers with her commentary. She resisted me at every turn. When my father insisted on showing it to one of his friends, they wrote on that copy that she was intimidated by me, and that she wasn’t correcting a thing, merely persecuting. I quietly left a copy of that comment in the final packet at her door, indicating that we’d obviously agreed to disagree, but I didn’t think it right for her to mark down my persuasive abilities just because she was easily as stubborn in her viewpoint as I was in mine. I pointed out how she’d had to take an entire day to teach the class a rather basic grammatical rule, while she obviously took the care of hours marking up my papers, assaulting their reasoning. Ultimately, she gave me the lowest possible grade in persuasive writing that I could have received without appealing the decision before the university.

How did I fare in January 2002? I signed up again for "Literature of the LDS People." It was a much tamer version, now under a different professor, yet still devoted the bulk of the first class to ridiculing standard LDS fare. He cited the example of his own sister as someone who read within the confines of a very "narrow" interest base. His curriculum still allowed for some questionable literature, with the caveat that one could substitute with something else if they found it offensive. Again, even at that time I had hundreds upon hundreds of Latter-day Saint books, and I certainly hadn’t specialized in anything offensive! In this classroom, I had the opportunity to raise my hand and quote President Benson that "one of the marks of an educated man today is to know what not to read—what not to see or what not to listen to." I went to the extra lengths of meeting with this teacher individually in his office, primarily to let him know why I would not enroll in his class. I showed him a list of what I’d read in the past year, to indicate that the more than 100 books were anything but the pursuit of a scrawny intellect. Having learned from some bitter experience, I indifferently informed him that my life was too short to spend the semester picking through the barren landscape of his offering, though I put it somewhat more tactfully than that.

We had scarcely started in an entirely different English course when the teacher handed out copies of the detestable "risk" paper. I couldn’t believe my eyes, and I got this haunted feeling that it might be in the unofficial collective favorites of the Department. I quickly wrote out a one paragraph response about the implications to studying rhetoric and turned my back on another class. I wrote something to the effect that I was greatly concerned that rhetoric was admiration of style over substance, glamorous trivia over glittering truth. As I was mulling these things over, one night I had a frightening dream in which the secretary at the desk of the English Department demanded that I hand her my temple recommend. The interview question was driven home to me, "Do you support, affiliate with, or agree with any group or individual whose teachings or practices are contrary to or oppose those accepted by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?" A succession of teachers and their practices flitted through my mind. I arose from slumber, weary of campaigning in a war that didn’t seem mine to wage, especially since I’m not a man of halfhearted measures.

I went into their offices and asked to see a counselor. Very few people know that I once double-majored in history and English. My grades weren’t stellar, it’s true, but there is only one reason why I don’t also have an English major. That day, I requested that they downgrade it to a minor. I was somewhere between 3 and 9 credits from completion. The lady asked me twice if I was sure that’s what I wanted to do. I’m not saying this renunciation is supposed to make much sense, and I’m definitely not indicating that someone else taking their English degree at that time or subsequently was in the least bit tainted. This has helped to define me, and I hope it won’t seem an irrational demerit in the eyes of potential readers. Somehow, it was important for me to wash my hands of the business and rededicate myself to the Lord. I wanted Him to know that, in pale comparison to Abraham, I would not take the slightest thing from the king of Sodom (see Genesis 14:22-23), that they would play no part in my future. I will never be beholden to those teachers for anything I accomplish in this world. I owe everything to God, and it should all be His.