“Friends don’t give friends bad books.” –Me, around June 2002

Susan,
I have not forgotten you. I finally caught up with your e-mail and I’m preparing a response. And of course I remember your wacky instructor. God blessed me with a fairly sound mind, and my memory seems to be especially long where rank apostates are concerned. I was proud of you for opting out of his promised unpuzzling of the mysteries, at least on Abraham facsimile day.

You want me to write a book? Is my blog not long enough? Here’s what I thought about it on July 8, 2000:

The age-old monopoly on writing was somehow broken, and we enjoy vast privileges over those of our forebears. However, it has also become more possible to write even when one really has nothing at all to say. We waste each other's time!

The oft-abused privileges of our age are cast in a somber tone by two prophets:

What could be a more profitable use of discretionary time than reading from the scriptural library, the literature that teaches us to know God and understand our relationship to him? . . .

We ought to have a Church full of women and men who know the scriptures thoroughly, who cross-reference and mark them, who develop lessons and talks from the Topical Guide, and who have mastered the maps, the Bible Dictionary, and the other helps that are contained in this wonderful set of standard works. . . .

Not in this dispensation, surely not in any dispensation, have the scriptures—the enduring, enlightening word of God—been so readily available and so helpfully structured for the use of every man, woman, and child who will search them. The written word of God is in the most readable and accessible form ever provided to lay members in the history of the world. Surely we will be held accountable if we do not read them. (The Teachings of Howard W. Hunter, 51)

The Israelites had copies of the Five Books of Moses, and they had a few other writings, but they were not distributed generally. They were in manuscript form and mostly in the hands of the priests.

The members of the Church were not fortunate enough to have copies of the scriptures in their possession. They listened to the instructions that were given to them. . . .

When I . . . think of the circumstances under which they were written, and the scarcity of copies and the need of the people at large to depend upon the teachings that came to them through their scribes and teachers, I can understand how they so frequently became careless and indifferent and forgot the commandments of the Lord. And so the Lord had to send his prophets among them every little while to stir them up to remembrance of the covenants they had made. . . .

I can see a little more occasion for their forgetting than there is for us in our day. In fact, I see no occasion for us to forget. How greatly blessed we are! . . .

I am sorrowful in my thinking because of the lack on the part of the members of this Church to search for knowledge and understanding. While all these things are before us, we can have them. (Joseph Fielding Smith, Take Heed to Yourselves!, 240-242)

Say, I see another opportunity to quote from Rudger Clawson!

If all other books in the world were destroyed in an instant and these four books still remained—the Bible, the Book of Mormon, the Doctrine and Covenants, and the Pearl of Great Price—they would constitute a library of priceless value, and would form a solid basis from which and by which to regenerate the world. (CR, Apr. 1916, 44)

And another man at the mention of whose name members invariably grow more attentive:

I am familiar with the Bible, a little, and the Book of Mormon, the Doctrine and Covenants and the Pearl of Great Price. I have wished, sometimes, that there would be a big fire and burn all the rest of the books so that we would read these books more. Sometimes I feel that a man ought to be imprisoned for writing any more books; because I got my experience mostly by reading the books which contain the revelations of the Lord. (J. Golden Kimball, CR, Oct. 1921, 84)

For good measure, and because I delight in doing so, I’ll contribute a third prophetic witness:

We judge the future by the past. Libraries are full of books and information on that which has happened in the history of time and that which has been discovered by man, and yet here in my hand I can hold these few books containing the scriptures, the word of God by which our Father has made it possible for us to know the many things that will provide for us an inheritance of eternal life. . . .

We may not possess a library of two or three thousand volumes, but we may possess at small cost a priceless library that has cost the best blood that has ever been in this world. . . . Do you suppose that after the Lord has done all this for us—has given to this world the choicest and sweetest of men and women, whose lives have been dedicated to the blessing of mankind, many of them sealing their testimony with their blood, has placed within our reach the excellent teachings contained in these holy records—that he will consider us appreciative if we fail to teach them in our families, and to impress them upon those with whom we come in contact? . . .

I frequently go into homes where I see all the latest magazines. I find the books that are advertised as best-sellers on the bookshelves. If you were to throw them all away and retain only these sacred scriptures, you wouldn’t lose what the Lord has caused to be written and made available for us to enjoy. . . .

What mattereth it though we understand Homer and Shakespeare and Milton, and I might enumerate all the great writers of the world; if we have failed to read the scriptures we have missed the better part of this world’s literature. . . .

It seems strange that so many of our people, with the opportunities offered, lack familiarity with the contents of these sacred records. (The Teachings of George Albert Smith, 49-53)

Speaking of the spirit of our times, Elie Wiesel captured some of its essence:

What about the books written by fools, literary technicians or fame-hungry authors who have nothing to say—and say it?

Of them, King Solomon said in his Ecclesiastes that their books will be the ultimate malediction: "Of the making of books there will be no end. . . ." Why should this be a curse? Solomon was wise—the wisest of all kings. He knew. He knew that there would be a time when more books would be published than written. (From the Kingdom of Memory: Reminiscences [New York: Summit Books, 1990], 37-38)

I expended a great deal of time and money during and after my mission building up an LDS library to enrich my life and, God willing, the lives of those to come after me. I considered this a selection of the choicest materials a mind could ever spend its time upon. In the course of this accumulation, I became at least passingly familiar with what is available.

Enter another college course that deviated extremely: Literature of the LDS People. I attempted to take it twice, with varying but still disappointing results. From the instructors’ initial reactions to me, you’d think I knew nothing about literature, LDS, or people.

The first was simply appalling. I will not even go into details, but the man managed to define the course’s subject matter as anything written by someone who was once LDS, or anything written about the LDS, including anti-Mormon material. I’m reminded of J. Gresham Machen’s battle with encroaching liberalism as the modern era burst upon us: “Formerly when men had brought to their attention perfectly plain documents like the Apostles’ Creed or the Westminster Confession or the New Testament, they either accepted them or else denied them. Now they no longer deny, but merely ‘interpret.’ Every generation, it is said, must interpret the Bible or the Creed in its own way. But I sometimes wonder just how far this business of interpretation will go. . . . To allow interpretations which reverse the meaning of a confession is exactly the same thing as to have no confession at all” (in Ned B. Stonehouse, J. Gresham Machen: A Biographical Memoir [Philadelphia, PA: Westminster Theological Seminary, 1977], 358, 367). My point exactly should be no surprise to the reader, a plea for honesty about one’s beliefs. A few relevant sentences from a paper with which I’d hoped to persuade my straying Persuasive Writing instructor:

God is not strictly objective when it comes to moral and doctrinal principles, and He expects His Saints to discern (and defend) the same truths for themselves. . . .

Elsewhere President Kimball made it clear that this applied to BYU: “We hope that you who teach in the various organizations, whether on the campuses or in our chapels, will always teach the orthodox truth.” . . .

Allow all religious schools the same privilege, be they Catholic, Baptist, and so forth—if you are not with the “party line,” don’t join the party. Would an honest Independent (failing to disclose their party) attend a Republican or Democratic convention and proceed to call every political tenet held there oppressive and narrow-minded? Disagreement of such a fundamentally contradictory character ought to be expressed from without, not from within.

At any rate, as the man poured forth a torrent of self-justifications and promises for fringy discussions, only a minority of the classroom grew perturbed. I’ve often remarked that, had I not seen a ring on her finger, I would have followed the girl out who raised open objection and left. I stuck around long enough to answer his gloating self-assuredness that it’s not our job to question the testimony of authors. I said that we may have every sympathy for someone’s personal struggles, but it’s a different matter altogether and assumes a far weightier responsibility when they solidify them into published form. The annals of heaven (so far as my memory and lips can match them, I would consider myself blessed) know I said just that, no exaggeration about it.

I was not terribly surprised to later learn that the author (Whipple) of one of the core books in his curriculum had been seen for who she really was—and what she was really doing—years earlier:

Fawn Brodie and Maurine Whipple each had a book published in 1946 that drew concern from the General Authorities, sparking considerable attention. As Elder Lee traveled with Elder Spencer W. Kimball to a stake conference in Orangeville, Utah, Elder Kimball read aloud portions of Mrs. Brodie's book; Elder Lee labeled the book “another defilement of sacred things.” Elder Lee also read the Whipple book while traveling to San Diego, California, thinking he could help others who might be concerned about its contents, and concluded that it was a “cleverly devised tool to strike at the divinity of the work of the Lord’s Church.” (L. Brent Goates, Harold B. Lee: Prophet & Seer [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Company, 1985], 197)

In actuality, I also wasn’t surprised that Satan delights in tempting agents to peddle his debased literature at the Lord’s university. Believe you me, no one in that class had the sort of noble purpose (or apparently the discernment) for reading it that President Lee did.

Naturally, I chose not to remain in that course. When I signed up once again, the new teacher was far more careful, but I still found an atmosphere that nudged the limits. Everything hinted that my library materials, far from being the “literature of the LDS people,” had missed the boat. We still had a token ex-Mormon book on the list. Nor did I expect everything we read to be doctrinal (see DBY, 256-257), but the only works chosen for the doctrinal segment of the curriculum were from the weakest and most tenuous writers, and teacher and students alike also mocked not-too-bad books that successfully bridge the gap between doctrine and fiction. They preferred intellectual stimulation along edgier lines. There were certainly blank stares when I shared (with due attribution) the very first line from one of my favorite quotes:

With the abundance of books available, it is the mark of a truly educated man to know what not to read. “Of making many books there is no end” (Ecclesiastes 12:12). . . . Do not make your mind a dumping ground for other people’s garbage. It is harder to purge the mind of rotten reading than to purge the body of rotten food, and it is more damaging to the soul. . . .

Early in life, these two quotations regarding books greatly influenced me: “Be as careful of the book you read as of the company you keep, for your habits and character will be influenced by the former as by the latter”; and “Except a living man there is nothing so wonderful as good books.” With all my heart, I urge young people to cultivate the reading habit. But in order that your reading be of maximum value choose it as carefully as you do your friends. I trust that we do so remembering that if we spend time reading a cheap book, we will be forced to pass by a choice one. (The Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson, 304-305, 321)

I’m guessing that, like a good young man, he read those in Elder Joseph W. McMurrin’s September 1909 Improvement Era article, which, along with those two quotations, has many other valuable sentiments:

An Italian proverb says, “There is no worse robber than a bad book.” We ought to be very much concerned about the class of books our boys are reading. We should be anxious to see that they are reading, and then to see that they are reading the right class of literature, for they are as liable to be corrupted by books as by companions. . . . I hope that every officer present today will feel that he is under responsibility to try and discover what the youth of the Latter-day Saints are reading, and wherever he finds they are not reading the right class of literature, that he will undertake to use his influence and labor to place in the hands of such individuals books of an elevating character. . . . I would like to say . . . that with us no reading course can ever be complete without the word of God. We should be concerned, more than any other class of people in the world, about becoming familiar with the inspired things that have come from God to man.

As for the supposed Literature of the LDS People class, that was the virtual death knell of my any longer accepting reading assignments from others. Is it any wonder that Cahill, in How the Irish Saved Civilization, can assert that Mormon theology is unsatisfying, if he encounters the sort of shallow immersion preferred by so many? By that I do not mean we ought to be plunging directly to the mysteries, either. I’ll cull three thoughts from Brigham Young, a man much exercised about education, who would have been most interested in what I witnessed in a few dark corners of the university bearing his name. (This is omitting the one that naturally springs to mind, about not even teaching multiplication tables without the Spirit of God. Sus, I’ve probably already tormented you with the account of the dean who seriously thought that since he encouraged his teachers to teach by the Spirit, that meant that they always did. President Bateman’s subsequent public remarks expressed a vastly different concern for the direction of the teachers. I could retrieve the Speeches and reprint them, but I’ll spare you...for now.)

We want every branch of science taught in this place that is taught in the world. But our favourite study is that branch which particularly belongs to the Elders of Israel—namely, theology. Every Elder should become a profound theologian—should understand this branch better than all the world. There is no Elder who has the power of God upon him but understands more of the principles of theology than all the world put together. (Brigham Young, JD, 6:317)

If I should hear a man advocate the erroneous principles he had imbibed through education, and oppose those principles, some might imagine that I was opposed to that man, when, in fact, I am only opposed to every evil and erroneous principle he advances. (DBY, 251)

Perhaps if we didn’t want so badly to be like the rest of the world, we could realize the promises made by Brother Brigham:

We can beat the world at any game.

We can beat them, because we have men here that live in the light of the Lord, that have the Holy Priesthood, and hold the keys of the kingdom of God. But you may go through all the sectarian world, and you cannot find a man capable of opening the door of the kingdom of God to admit others in. We can do that. We can pray the best, preach the best, and sing the best. We are the best looking and finest set of people on the face of the earth, and they may begin any game they please, and we are on hand, and can beat them at anything they have a mind to begin. They may make sharp their two-edged swords, and I will turn out the Elders of Israel with greased feathers, and whip them to death. We are not to be beat. We expect to be a stumbling block to the whole world, and a rock of offence to them. (JD, 4:77)

It is largely conceded that Orson Pratt whipped the chaplain to the United States Senate in debate. I wonder whether we are turning out a bold new corps of Saints prepared for such conflict—amicable or more dangerous—in the future? Are we even able to recognize when we’re already plunged into conflict? Can we overstress the deliberateness of the following passage?

But verily, verily, I say unto you, that none else shall be appointed unto this gift except it be through him; for if it be taken from him he shall not have power except to appoint another [prophet] in his stead.

And this shall be a law unto you, that ye receive not the teachings of any that shall come before you as revelations or commandments;

And this I give unto you that you may not be deceived, that you may know they are not of me. . . .

Again I say, hearken ye elders of my church, whom I have appointed: Ye are not sent forth to be taught, but to teach the children of men the things which I have put into your hands by the power of my Spirit;

And ye are to be taught from on high. Sanctify yourselves and ye shall be endowed with power, that ye may give even as I have spoken.

Hearken ye, for behold, the great day of the Lord is nigh at hand. . . .

Wherefore gird up your loins lest ye be found among the wicked.

Lift up your voices and spare not. Call upon the nations to repent, both old and young, both bond and free, saying: Prepare yourselves for the great day of the Lord;

For if I, who am a man, do lift up my voice and call upon you to repent, and ye hate me, what will ye say when the day cometh when the thunders shall utter their voices from the ends of the earth, speaking to the ears of all that live, saying—Repent, and prepare for the great day of the Lord? . . .

Wherefore, labor ye, labor ye in my vineyard for the last time—for the last time call upon the inhabitants of the earth. (D&C 43:4-6, 15-17, 19-21, 28)

I don’t argue for preparation to the extent that there’s no reliance upon the Lord, just that we ought to attempt to give the Spirit plenty to work with. Inspiration suggests activation of already present faculties, free flow of knowledge into the prepared, sanctified vessel, not mechanical animation!

During that first year, the Widtsoes learned much about missionaries and mission work. Foremost was the rapport they established and the valuable lessons they taught. [David M.] Kennedy, who would later create the agendas for general conferences, meticulously planned a time schedule: “When I presented the agenda to him [President Widtsoe], he said, ‘Well, President Kennedy, that’s a very, very good outline. You haven’t missed anything that I can see. I wonder if you allowed any time for the Lord to give us any inspiration.’ Oh, boy did he knock me, just with a little thing like that.” (Alan K. Parrish, John A. Widtsoe: A Biography [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Company, 2003], 456)

But, anyway, to finally answer your rhetorical question: my piece with the greatest chance of future publication is presently at 59 word processor pages and 404 endnotes, and I estimate I’m about halfway through the anticipated plot line. If you’ll recall, I already wrote a book of sorts. Even I wouldn’t want it published in its current form. It could be years yet before I wrap up another manuscript, though I do find myself with more spare time than expected. Which is not to say that I’m lounging about or truly have such an option.

Sir Fahrenmeister Sir,
Is it actually rude to interrupt a static monologue? Yeah, the last entry also took an unexpected direction for me. I think my stream of consciousness “come[s] up over all his channels, and go[es] over all his banks.” It’s funny you should mention not holding up your end; just recently I almost brought up that I still needed to gain more from your experience. I can understand that you’re busy...reading everything I’m rambling about. Feel free to share in return. I’ve come to respect both you and your titular role.

I’m elated you’re related to such a good and courageous man. So is my upstairs neighbor. You guys should meet. I’m embarrassed to admit that I haven’t yet read his (that is, President Clawson’s—with reference to his Quorum status, of course) biography. If you haven’t either, then let’s have a race. But you can’t borrow my copy until I’m done with it! ;-) Then again, if I start one more book I’ll make myself sick.

That introduces this week’s intrusively pervasive theme: courage. It is a latent force in my life, one that I sorely wish I’d develop to the utmost. I hate flinching, even at Monday night’s errant volleyballs. (Has anyone else ever wondered why “knight errant” doesn’t sound more mischievous than gallant?) As for my response to women...well, they’re just one of the deeper mysteries of the kingdom, quite corroborative to the joys of the blessed, but my tongue certainly cannot tell. The closest I’ve ever come to devising a nonchalant attitude about women was either dismissive or bellicose; thankfully, I chose not to adopt those false views. (As noted previously, I also scorn the thought of pretending any sort of attitude in order to mask the actual one, therefore I still tremble before women in the abstract and quite often enough in specifics.) I can’t resolve the matter, for I pondered on August 20, 2002: “So far as women go, the reason I worry so much is that something either affects my eternal salvation or it doesn’t concern me at all.”

You’ve commented favorably upon the use of stories. I’m remembering two substantially less flattering ones that didn’t make it in mah last blah blah blahg.

That home ward crush toward which I eventually turned cross.... There was one night when I stole away from Scouts to spy into the gym, where the Young Women were conducting a talent show. I wanted to hear her play the piano. She finished her routine and strode directly toward my set of double doors. In a panic, I backed up—and she was still approaching. So I backed as far as I could, only to realize I was in that little cubby space between the water fountain and its corner. You can guess what she did. I couldn’t help but notice her pausing to stare at the top of my head.

She was hardly the first crush. In second grade it was Jennifer. We went to a reading group together. I made sure she was invited to my birthday party. As my family laughingly relates the tale, my grandfather asked me which one was Jennifer, and I told him, “the one with the soft cheeks.” I think that was only from all my close observation during reading time, when I made sure to sit by her. (Isn’t it also interesting that what’s funny from a little child would be perverted later on? Or was it perverted then?)

I may as well make my humiliation complete. In fourth grade I banged my head so hard on a desk corner that it required stitches (the wound appearing prominently in school pictures). I was kinda sorta chasing a girl named Tanya around the classroom at the time. But it was one of those situations where they stop and wait to be sure you’re still pursuing. Just like one sees in the Nicolas Cage movie Next, it seems that of all possible choices, sometimes the guy can only win the girl via the path of pain.

I’m reminded of Elder Lance B. Wickman’s notion that “grief is the natural by-product of love. One cannot selflessly love another person and not grieve at his suffering or eventual death. The only way to avoid the grief would be to not experience the love; and it is love that gives life its richness and meaning” (Ensign, Nov. 2002, 30). So on the one hand the songwriters attest that “love hurts,” and on the other hand my dad once sought in vain to warn me about a rugged path, “Kris, love shouldn’t hurt.” Which is it? (Boy, did “love” ever take its toll in that one—before exacting my pound of flesh.) I think it’s what I sought to tell that person whom I loved too much to even take care of myself, “I’ve known suffering in my life, and a lot of this is unnecessary suffering.” By the time I got away, it was like chopping through the last nerve of an arm consistently sawed at with a tiny razor. No worthy companion would ever think of or settle into patterns that cause pain and distress to the other.

Someday each of you will meet the person of your dreams. If you truly love that person you would rather cut off your right arm than hurt him or her. (Gordon B. Hinckley, From My Generation to Yours...With Love! [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Company, 1973], 19)

When two individuals are bound together, as they eventually must be if they ever stand in the presence of God, rather than to take a course to injure each other's feelings, when they are united as they should be and as they will be, they would sooner have a limb severed from their body, they would sooner suffer any thing that could be executed upon them than to disturb or hurt each other's feelings. (Lorenzo Snow, JD, 4:243)

Life is filled with enough pain. I would not, however, in light of these ideas adopt the common fallacy about bliss. Your partnership cannot free you from this world of care. A friend of mine once told me how her daughter summed it up: “Picture the worst thing that can happen to you. Who do you want beside you as you go through it?”

I often picture the contrast between two unlike women married to two very similar men, brothers of the highest character. With all due respect to Emma, I’d rather have a Mary Fielding Smith type. Her love endured in all the ways that mattered. And which was the mother of a prophet of God? So, no, I’m not looking in the traditional locales and traditional ways for companionship. I don’t expect a life of ease and worldly fun, and I certainly don’t need someone with unrealistic and inappropriate quests therefor. Perhaps my entire life experience accounts for why I didn’t even crack a smile when one ward member said surely I wanted a girl to have a bit of shallowness. No, I really don’t.

With the right shared goals ever understood, there is plenty of joy and happiness to be found; endless play bodes poorly for marriage and other real life preparation. Coarseness, frivolity, stupidity, and hypocrisy are frequently mistaken for humor, playfulness, sweetness, and spirituality. A gal doesn't have to forego all vivaciousness to succeed at avoiding shallowness.

I also refused once in the past to date a girl in the past with a very pure heart and loving demeanor, because she was actually too spacy for me. Wonderful though she was, I think I need somebody spunky about several things, ideally gentle about many others, and no-nonsense about gospel things. (I placed my head on her shoulder just to test something, and that girl happily put hers back. I don’t advise too casual use of one’s capabilities—that’s not nice. Her roommate said I’d no idea how flattered she was when I asked her out.) I’m not insane and entirely ungrounded in life’s logical pace. People would be surprised at how much I can enjoy the good things in life, but they’re often too caught up in their other assumptions to notice. I guess I could easily be misunderstood on this point, but I won’t manage to explain myself with 500 more words. So I’ll leap into a better person’s better explanation:

In my high school yearbook is a picture of a young woman. She was bright and effervescent and beautiful. She was a charmer. Life for her could be summed up in one short word—F-U-N. She dated the boys and danced away the nights, studying a little but not too much, just enough to get grades that would take her through graduation. She married a boy of her own kind. Alcohol took possession of her life. She could not leave it alone. She was a slave to it. Her body succumbed to its treacherous grip. Sadly, her life faded without achievement.

There is a picture of another girl in that yearbook. She was not particularly beautiful. But she had a wholesome look about her, a sparkle in her eyes, and a smile on her face. She was friendly to all. Everyone liked her. She knew why she was in school. She was there to learn. Yes, she knew how to have fun, but she also knew when to stop and put her mind on other things.

There was a boy in our school also. He had come from a small rural town. He had very little money. He brought lunch in a brown paper bag. He looked a little like the farm from which he had come. There was nothing especially handsome or dashing about him. He was a good student. He had set a goal for himself. It was a lofty goal, and at times appeared almost unattainable.

These two fell in love. People said, “What does he see in her?” Or, “What does she see in him?” But they each saw something wonderful in each other which no one else saw.

Upon graduating from the university, they married. They scrimped and worked. Money was hard to come by. He went on to graduate school. She continued to work for a time, and then their children came. She gave her attention to them. Somehow they survived. And over time, they flourished. . . .

I thought of those two girls. The life of one had been spelled out in a three-letter word: F-U-N. It had been lived aimlessly, without stability, without contribution to society, without ambition. It had ended in misery and pain and disappointment and early death.

The life of the other had been difficult. . . . But out of that seemingly sterile soil there had grown a plant, yes, two plants, side by side, that blossomed and bloomed in a beautiful and wonderful way. (Gordon B. Hinckley, Way To Be! [New York, New York: Simon & Schuster, 2002], 69-72)

I certainly wouldn’t entail financial hardship, so I hope the actual point was gotten across in that passage.

The funny thing is that I wound up accompanying my dad in an unusual counseling situation last night, at his urgent request. For some reason, I heard him paraphrasing me and throwing in his commentary on a subject I hadn’t thought he even took seriously. He actually told this single woman that people don’t want a Peter Priesthood (or approximation thereto?), and that they wouldn’t consider me because of something so fleeting as height. Another funny thing is that I don’t mind it all that much. A few crazy people—and some nice ones, too—have still managed to come my way, but a whole bunch of undesirables have been kept naturally at bay.

Wow. Long detour from COURAGE.... Then again, I’ll just leave it at that for the evening and save the whole courage unburdening for another day. Especially since the person I’m mentoring at work lied to me today. You all know how much I appreciate that! She didn’t like the gentle correction I offered, so she pretended a certain document differed from my suggestion. (Her voice speeds up whenever she pulls a fast one.) I was tremendously startled and said I guess I needed to learn something. I proceeded to print out the alluded-to passage, highlight what I’d just told her, and leave that with her. When I stood my ground and said we do things by the book (manual references), and it would be the established pattern until she could demonstrate otherwise, she wasted a whole lot of time searching for a contrary statement. That failing, she never did make the necessary change and bring the file back for me to sign off. I will keep a careful record that I never approved it! I’m trying to save her time and trouble in the long run, someone in St. Louis the time and trouble of filling an unnecessary request, the person after her the time and trouble of cleaning it up, and reinforce it all by having her make the change herself. And the first thing she does is resist to the point of taking it as a personal challenge to get it around me. This could be a long month or two. Ugh.

Now THIS pattern of disrespect is annoyingly old—I can recall at least three times in my life where I was put in charge of an actual stewardship and people immediately strained to go over my head. (As if that’s so hard to do.) You have to understand that in no way was I snippy. By remaining calm and nice, it apparently offered at every turn the possibility for her to walk over me again. Sometimes saying firm truths kindly still doesn't seem to convey the point. Sorry. I’ll calm down these nerves of steel and get to bed early.

I’m thinking about courage....in particular, at this moment, Hymn 243.

“If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." (John 8:31-32)

See also John 8:47, JST.

For some time, I’ve felt (and forgotten) the need to include a pleasant thought that combines work with hope as regards the future. That hope, naturally, centers in Christ. All knowledge of the future and all personal circumstances in the future come only with reference to Him. I’ve stated publicly before that how hard a doctrine seems depends upon where we stand in relation to it. (1 Nephi 16:2-3 and 2 Nephi 9:40 verify this.) On a good day, even the most wintry doctrines offer a curious sort of consoling power. Pres. Joseph Fielding Smith’s thoughts (previously given here) concerning obedience and the difficulty thereof apply, as do these combined truths in reaction to gospel requirements:

Suppose we were called to leave what we have now, should we call it a sacrifice? Shame on the man who would so call it; for it is the very means of adding to him knowledge, understanding, power, and glory, and prepares him to receive crowns, kingdoms, thrones, and principalities . . . (Brigham Young, JD, 2:7)

May God bless all of our young people with a spirit of serving. If it involves sacrifice, don’t worry about it—it really isn’t sacrifice. That is the marvelous thing. It isn’t sacrifice, because when you give, you always gain more than you give. (Gordon B. Hinckley, From My Generation to Yours...With Love! [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Company, 1973], 25)

Erm, back to the promised statement....

Do you wish to come to know your future? "The expectation of the just is joy." [Proverbs 10:28, varied translation] (John of Salisbury, Policraticus, ed. and trans. Cary J. Nederman [orig. 1159; Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1990], 229)

This reminds me of two similar quotations:

Now, brethren and sisters, you see what is before you; you see what it will require upon your part to obtain the Celestial glory. If you cannot live up to the requirements of this law that governs in the Celestial kingdom, though you may have membership in the Church, you cannot abide that glory. That is the edict. The Lord tells us that in Section 88.

Section 76 is a great revelation. We can sit down by ourselves and determine just which glory will satisfy us and how we can obtain it, and we are left without excuse. (Rudger Clawson, CR, Oct. 1937, 110-111)

I will refer to the “Vision” [Section 76] alone, as a revelation which gives more light, more truth, and more principle than any revelation contained in any other book we ever read. It makes plain to our understanding our present condition, where we came from, why we are here, and where we are going. Any man may know through that revelation what his part and condition will be. For all men know what laws they keep, and the laws which men keep here will determine their position hereafter; they will be preserved by those laws and receive the blessings which belong to them. (Discourses of Wilford Woodruff, 47-48)

So I’ve been thinking a lot about truth lately, and one of the supreme scriptures guiding my life’s pursuits. (I choose that last word on the same premise as Franklin’s alleged thought, “The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself.”)

And truth is knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come;
And whatsoever is more or less than this is the spirit of that wicked one who was a liar from the beginning. . . .
He that keepeth his [God’s] commandments receiveth truth and light, until he is glorified in truth and knoweth all things. (D&C 93:24-25, 28)

Indeed, sometimes I use the term “doctrine” so broadly that it equates, roughly, to “truth.” Abraham Lincoln observed the perplexing difficulty sometimes encountered in human interactions:

Men are not flattered by being shown that there has been a difference of purpose between the Almighty and them. To deny it, however, in this case, is to deny that there is a God governing the world. (1865 letter to Thurlow Weed, in Harlan Hoyt Horner, The Growth of Lincoln's Faith [New York: The Abingdon Press, 1939], 154)

President Lincoln had the strikingly rare characteristic expressed in another letter:

I shall do less whenever I shall believe what I am doing hurts the cause, and I shall do more whenever I shall believe doing more will help the cause. I shall try to correct errors when shown to be errors; and I shall adopt new views so fast as they shall appear to be true views. (to Horace Greeley in 1862, in Donald T. Phillips, Lincoln on Leadership: Executive Strategies for Tough Times [New York, New York: Warner Books, 1992], 78-79)

This is the appropriate level of meekness. However, he also stated, “I think it cannot be shown that when I have once taken a position, I have ever retreated from it” (in William Lee Miller, Lincoln's Virtues: An Ethical Biography [New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 2002], 14).

There’s something I consider another highly necessary virtue: that of obtaining sufficient divine information to never require adjustments, and then to refuse to yield on it. Even the liberal Thomas Jefferson advised, “In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock.” (In today’s world, matters of style frequently clash with matters of principle.)

Another U.S. president, Woodrow Wilson, surprised people in college when he refused to debate for the side chosen for him: “But he would not, even as an academic exercise, argue against his convictions. He retired from the debate” (William Archer, The Peace-President: A Brief Appreciation [New York: Henry Holt and Company, 1919], 5). Among the—perhaps too many—things with which I’m impatient is those who hypothesize when all such gestures are unnecessary, or worse. Elder Nelson’s keen insight:

Well do I remember a friend who would routinely sow seeds of contention in Church classes. His assaults would invariably be preceded by this predictable comment: “Let me play the role of devil’s advocate.” Recently he passed away. One day he will stand before the Lord in judgment. Then, I wonder, will my friend’s predictable comment again be repeated?

Here’s the original citation information, from the first and heretofore only time I personally injected this delightful thought into public discourse (March 2002):

Russell M. Nelson, “The Canker of Contention,” Ensign, May 1989, 70. See Kimball, The Miracle of Forgiveness, 53, Boyd K. Packer, Teach Ye Diligently, rev. ed. (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1991), 208-213, and The Teachings of Harold B. Lee, 88. Some teachers disassemble testimonies under the guise of developing them. Spiritual growth may be achieved under pressure, but not because a teacher “challenges” our faith. Testimonies are added to, not assaulted and subtracted from. Any teacher actually desirous of enhancing testimony should stand ready to fill the void with a double portion of the Spirit or not risk the undertaking at all. President Joseph Fielding Smith said, “There is no virtue in doubt” (CR, Apr. 1925, 74). While doubt can generally be excused, it certainly should not be fostered, praised, or in any way condoned. See D&C 6:36; 1 Tim. 1:3-6.

I had not at the time linked it with a quote urged upon that teacher (described in a previous entry) who gave me so much grief: “The Latter-day Saints are in a position to progress and to become informed in every direction without having to stop to investigate the theories and views of men. The Lord has revealed with plainness and simplicity, accompanied by the testimony of the Holy Ghost, many things about which the world is in doubt” (George Q. Cannon, CD, 5:192).

I wish for the freedom to put down my thoughts without misinterpretation from others. Motive or qualification tend to be the first things to come under attack. Sure, I could do this easily enough in my journal, but if understood properly I think others could benefit from these experiences (which makes them more worth going through, too). So I assume free rein—more like reign—over my own blog. ;-) All of this will be stated completely free of rancor or self-promotion, only in the interests of truthful commentary.

My suspicions now are that at this stage in life, even more than for the feelings of abandonment (which was in actuality, if the story could ever be appropriately understood, a merciful one), I have resented a former relationship for forcing me to return to the singles scene. (Which, like it or not, frequently abounds in immaturities.) Knowing that could empower me to work on any sort of dour expression I may have about it.

For some years I’ve had the beginnings of a paper about dating in a gospel context. From the time Elder Oaks first opened up about it, a lot more has been added to the picture than ever existed before. Among the things I’d plead for is more Christlike dating, to interact in a different fashion and with different notions than the rest of the world. One cannot contest my unusual vantage point on this entire atmosphere, and I now push forward without apology. Elder Maxwell made the necessary connection for me:

The deception of others always begins with self-deception. First the victim, self then becomes the willing accomplice. We see it all too often in the power plays of business frauds, politics, coverups, and even dating. (Neal A. Maxwell, Whom the Lord Loveth: The Journey of Discipleship [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Company, 2003], 25-26)

When one is deceived by oneself, how much more difficult for outside voices (in a world filled with competing voices, in any event) to reach the heart! In such a state, how fearful this fact: “Those who never retract their opinions love themselves more than they love the truth” (Joseph Joubert, in John M. Shanahan, The Most Brilliant Thoughts of All Time (In Two Lines or Less) [New York, New York: Cliff Street Books, 1999], 87).

I heard an opinion last week and possessed sufficient information from my own experience to know it for untruth the moment it emerged. While I was attempting to doze off, I overheard a young woman—whose identity will remain sealed away—declare that she’d sat by someone because she always tried to sit by new guys in the ward, in case they’d go home and never return for lack of attention. (Of course, my life is such that oftentimes I can overhear girls’ gossip when they’re aware I’m right there, as if I’m not at least as intelligent as the average male.) Now, she didn’t need to announce that she identified good-looking men and then introduced herself, but why the elaborate explanation to make her feel better about herself and appear honorable to others? I spent months sitting practically alone, and it’s a good thing I’m not the type to let supposed rejection—the very thing to which she pointed—deter me from attendance. Granted, I was probably afraid of women for a while anyway, so I’m not arguing in favor of the opposite; the value (if such there is) of being around me must be realized on your own, or not at all. I merely say that the truth always comes out! People frequently give the lie to their own professions.

I had the same realization that day in the foyer as several years ago in an apartment with roommates receiving constant attentions from female visitors. I could probably change some factors of presentability, but there’s nothing to be done for the main one. I’m at peace with that. There are drastically worse fates than being single. I’m freed from an otherwise odious concern, since I’m a man prone to tackling problems head-on, and that one isn’t going to change for anything.

Now, years ago I was not okay about it. At that time, whenever I found myself thinking such thoughts, I’d figure there was too much free time on my hands, so I’d set myself the task of going to the library or the temple or some such thing. It’s amazing how much I got done!!! Without any actual call for attention to myself, I also wish that people could be more honest, instead of like another girl who once said in my presence that she liked spiritual men, while proving by all her actions that it probably ranked no higher than #3 on her list.

Woe to those who profess to be Saints and are not honest. Only be honest with yourselves, and you will be honest to the brethren. (Discourses of Brigham Young, 231-232)

Nobody needs to feign an interest. Which is partially why even genuine adherence to that girl’s avowed agenda could fall flat, as Elder Marlin K. Jensen noted:

"Well, bishop," he said (and I will need to paraphrase here slightly), "for heaven's sake, whatever you do, please don't assign me a friend."

I learned a great lesson that day. No one wants to become a "project"; we all want spontaneously to be loved. And, if we are to have friends, we want them to be genuine and sincere, not "assigned." (Ensign, May 1999, 65)

I have to confess that I’ve never taken anyone out who didn’t rate fairly well on a cuteness scale. I don’t think that was entirely deliberate, and it certainly wasn’t the aim, but who knows? I believe this can even apply to dating:

We talk about service to others. Too often when service is mentioned we think of some physical aid that we might render. I tell you a better service can sometimes be given to others by speaking well of them, or, if you cannot speak well of them, by refraining from speaking of them at all, than by any physical aid which we can give. (David O. McKay, CR, Oct. 1919, 78-79)

Today I saw in the Church News that a former neighbor of mine has been assigned as mission president over one of the numerous Brazilian missions. All this talk, in combination with that, takes me back to pre-mission days. I recall being in a slight huff when my good friend told me how that man’s wife, a kindly Young Women President, was actively trying to set him up with one of the finest young women. I took it all back later.... One afternoon I was helping Sister Q, as we called her, up at the family history center. A day or so later my father accused me of not telling him about something discussed with Sister Q, which it turned out she hadn’t told me: her sister was coming out to BYU, and she wanted me to go out with her.

For some reason, I never could motivate myself to do much about dating before my mission. I wanted to be disentangled to focus on the Lord’s work. But I must say that Sister Q’s sister, like so many Brazilian women (especially the chaste ones who decline being swimsuit models), was gorgeous. We met, she was nice, and I never took any action on that. I might just have been completely overawed.

In that same home ward, I had a hopeless crush for a year or so. I first noticed her while sitting in a meeting as deacons quorum president, and she was there for the Beehives. When my scoutmaster learned of it, he called her “cute as a bug.” That phrase really confused me, since I didn’t perceive bugs as being very cute. This should have been my first lesson, poorly learned even as late as December 2005, in what Heber C. Kimball elucidated, “Her face may be as smooth as an onion; but the beauty of a woman is in the spirit she possesses and in the principles of righteousness she cherishes” (JD, 6:126). But of course Balzac pegged it: “Are not all young men ready to trust the promise of a pretty face and to infer beauty of soul from beauty of feature?” (The Works of Honore De Balzac [Roslyn, New York: Black's Readers Service, ?], 517). My rude awakening came when we actually had a church class together. Fancy that. At first I found her distressingly disruptive. Then came the clincher: she couldn’t seem to locate the book of Alma, when the odds are almost in favor of coming across it just by opening the Book of Mormon. It was laughable that, years later, my good friend mentioned earlier made some overtures toward reconnaissance for her, only to learn that I was completely uninterested. I came home and scrawled in my journal, “I did as *.*. is doing now until I found out just who *.*. really was. *.*. did what I am doing now until *.*. found out just who I really was.”

I got to shock that good friend one more time before our post-mission lives pretty much sent us our separate ways. My best friend applied constant pressure for me to take more action on the dating front—I think he knew that I secretly wanted it, though I was petrified. He informed me that he’d find a good girl for me to go out with, from one of the institute classes he taught. The way he tells it, or something like this, he posed this to his class: “I have a friend who needs to go on a date. His name is Kris Swinson. . . .” He was about to talk about my dwarfism, but two hands went up. My first date took place when I was already in college, and nearly 18 years old. When my good friend learned about it later, his jaw dropped noticeably and he remarked that she’d been one of the cutest girls in our high school. (Trust me, I’d known it from the time we had math together.)

Off-campus housing yielded lots of interesting experiences. One apartment was quite the bachelor’s pad. We had a humongous sofa and sound system. One day I came home to a group probably larger than a dozen, all in the front room. They invited me to watch the movie with them. I looked around the room for some place, when I heard a female voice call, “You can sit in my lap.” I fled to the back, lickety-split.

One girl kept arranging to come play Scrabble with me every Saturday. One day, as she was placing a word, she told me, “Don’t go ‘Mormon’ on me.” The word by itself wasn’t even objectionable—though I have a personal rule to forego the points rather than using something dirty. However, I wondered why the emphasis on our shared religious beliefs, as if it were a negative thing. Why not, “Don’t go ‘extreme’ on me”? That evening’s journal comment: “By the way, I will always ‘go Mormon,’ unless I’ve fallen into transgression.” I kept this totally to myself, and simply accepted the game opportunities. I did not see it as a developing relationship. Eventually, I found her hand on my bare arm. I simply looked up and stared at her, which I trust wasn’t too mean in and of itself. She removed her hand and there was never anything more to it. Certainly no more Scrabble days.

In later years, a female co-worker placed her hand on mine when conveying good news, as if to test something. She soon remarked that the girl she’d seen me talking to outside must be my girlfriend—which she was—because she didn’t see me let any other woman get that close. In retrospect, I’ve wished I hadn’t given in to my only girlfriend ever imploring me for several days for my first kiss. Just because they ask ever so nicely is no reason to become casual about it. There’s no question but that we humans are wired to like it. (It’s possible that I went on for some time in the delusion that I had to marry her because we’d kissed repeatedly.)

One date, which bombed out for so many reasons, severely violated my personal boundaries. She approached me after I’d given a talk, with this creepy, “Let’s talk about eternal things.” (Hence one of my first rules, seldom broken: a girl must express obvious interest prior to hearing me speak in church.) Then she pressed me, over and over, for a date. Since she’d asked, I waited for something to materialize. She actually barged into another one of my dates—twice—to pester me about it. Ultimately I told her that if she’d just plan something, I would pay for it. Even that never happened, but my roommates sure did laugh when she tried in full view to rub my back during a movie. Then she couldn’t take a hint when I told her, in response to her asking for a hug, that I’m “reserved about such things.” (Not forever, but until due cause is established. I’m always amused by the excuses that singles come up with in order to hug each other.)

On the other hand, I was impressed with another girl who was at our place one night when I said I was experiencing a bad headache. Thirty seconds later I nearly fell out of my chair as she started massaging my neck. I’m not accustomed to that! I eventually relaxed, as she explained that a lot of headaches were caused by neck pain (to which I could give lots of credence). This didn’t have to mean anything; it was simply an act of charity. She was not afraid to treat me like she would any other guy in the apartment.

I can’t honestly give the “no respect” routine. My written responses to a survey about what guys sought in women were circulated (and not by myself) throughout the complex. Another girl stopped a group conversation once to say to me that she really liked how I obviously thought a lot before saying anything. Still another had a “reputation” in the ward, particularly for being booked for dates into the next year. She kept walking up to me and trying to engage me in conversation. Word on the streets had it that she was “tired of the typical guy.” (I was once tempted to tell a girl, “When you’re sick of the shallow guys, here’s my number.” But I thought better of it, since someone’s choice of associations can tell you a lot about them.) One day I stood at the door of her apartment and she tried to invite me in. I saw a guy in there who’d been visiting her. I knew immediately that she would marry him, and that was the right thing. Despite her insistence, I excused myself. Later on, she passed me at night and told me, “You’re one of my favorites.” This, naturally, led my mother to later ask “favorite what?”

Then there was ****, a really cute but impossibly carefree girl. The first time I tried to sit beside her, my most guileless roommate was already there. I did my best to scoot in, and he kept scooting over! I eventually got nearer her than anyone else did, in that legendary “friend” status. I still recall a beautifully sunny day on the apartment grounds, where I found her weeding. (She’d asked the management for a job.) We had one interruption, a guy walking up and playing with her hair before catching on that both of us wanted him to go away. She smiled at me more than I’d ever experienced. She told me that I reminded her of her father, because I was “kind, wise, and know everything about the Church.” When she once helped me carry something back to my apartment, my roommate (a real “dude”) gawked and asked her out on the spot, only to be turned down. I didn’t give her any trouble in that respect. We just talked, and she was always concerned about how I was doing. Once, after ward prayer, she came up beside me and walked towards a building. When someone tried to come up and talk to me, she actually sort of elbowed them out and announced, “He’s with me.” A little farther on, a guy caught up with her and invited her to look at something they’d talked about earlier. To my alarm, she followed him up some stairs. But to her eternal credit, for a refreshing awareness and honesty, she turned and asked me, “Am I confusing you?” I simply waved her on. (My mother also raised the question of what would have happened if I’d bellowed at the guy, “She’s with me.”) **** begged me to go along with her and two guys for ice cream one night. As soon as we got back, she leaned in and told me it was because she didn’t feel safe with them.

I first got in my once-upon-a-time girlfriend’s good graces by two things. First, I beat her at all three chess games in a row. She was frustrated to no end but later admitted that had it been more even she would not have been as impressed. Second, I was visiting at her apartment (having that unique facility for saying “I was in the neighborhood” when I’d come around for the purpose of visiting them) when a girl asked what the oxen in the baptistry represented. I was able to go into the tribes of Israel, the four quarters of the earth, and this statement, along with some unusual elaboration on the symbolism of D&C 58:45 and the very appropriately cross-referenced Deuteronomy 33:13-17:

The weight of the font and the water on the backs of the twelve oxen is symbolic of the burden of the children of Israel to bring salvation to the world; when this is accomplished, the Savior can present the kingdom to the Father, saying, "It is finished." (Royden G. Derrick, Temples in the Last Days [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1987], 182)

Ah, the value of preparation! Anyway, I looked up to see her smiling at me all weirdlike.

She later told me, and I don’t believe under duress, that she’d first heard this description of President Joseph Fielding Smith when she was a young woman (without knowing it was about him), and that it was a lot like me (how I wish!!! put it down as my goal!!!). From Ethel Smith, his wife:

I have often thought when he is gone people will say, “He is a very good man, sincere, orthodox, etc.” They will speak of him as the public knows him; but the man they have in mind is very different from the man I know. The man I know is a kind, loving husband and father whose greatest ambition in life is to make his family happy, entirely forgetful of self in his efforts to do this. He is the man that lulls to sleep the fretful child, who tells bedtime stories to the little ones, who is never too tired or too busy to sit up late at night or to get up early in the morning to help the older children solve perplexing school problems. When illness comes, the man I know watches tenderly over the afflicted one and waits upon him. It is their father for whom they cry, feeling his presence a panacea for all ills. It is his hands that bind up the wounds, his arms that give courage to the sufferer, his voice that remonstrates with them gently when they err, until it becomes their happiness to do the thing that will make him happy.

The man I know is most gentle, and if he feels that he has been unjust to anyone the distance is never too far for him to go and, with loving words or kind deeds, erase the hurt. He welcomes gladly the young people to his home and is never happier than when discussing with them topics of the day—sports or whatever interests them most. He enjoys a good story and is quick to see the humor of a situation, to laugh and to be laughed at, always willing to join in any wholesome activity.

The man I know is unselfish, uncomplaining, considerate, thoughtful, sympathetic, doing everything within his power to make life a supreme joy for his loved ones. That is the man I know. (Joseph F. McConkie, True and Faithful: The Life Story of Joseph Fielding Smith [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1971, 83-84)

(I was not nearly so appreciative of another girl who admitted going out with me would be like dating Elder Oaks. She told me that she saw potential in us--and I had that in writing--but ran away just as soon as she'd said it.)

The block quote helps somewhat at diverting things from all that rubbish about me. The nostalgia took my brain and typing fingers far from here. “I should not talk so much about myself if there were anybody else whom I knew as well” (The Works of Henry David Thoreau [Roslyn New York: Black’s Readers Service, 1942], 27-28). “One of the good sisters said to me, ‘Golden if you wouldn't talk so much about yourself, it would be a good thing.’ Well, I thought to myself, it would be a good thing if you would talk about yourself and let other people alone. I know more about myself than any other person on earth, and I am going to try to keep some of it quiet, if I can” (J. Golden Kimball, CR, Apr. 1909, 36-37).

Point in summary: I notice women as much as the next guy. It’s also possible that I notice more than the next guy. Taken to the wrong extreme, that could be a failing, but it’s also a considerable blessing. I much prefer having an intense filter to not having enough of one. Quite enough truth for one evening, eh? A lot of that truth probably should have been kept to myself.

“When the earth begins to tremble, Bid our fearful thoughts be still; When thy judgments spread destruction, Keep us safe on Zion’s hill” (Hymn 83)

Over the past few days, my thoughts have been severely disjointed. As long as this condition is but temporary, it’s still preferable to having a disjointed body! I’m still neglecting so many things and not responding to several people’s requests, but I’m afraid if I don’t put down a brief entry tonight, that’ll just be one more wheel spinning in my head.

Ah, yes! That’s why this entry is captioned as it is, though nothing else I say will have anything to do with that—it’s just a phrase that’s been running constantly across my mind’s stage, especially when I’m about to fall asleep. I really hope this blog will get that one out, though I’m willing to retain the accompanying scripture thought (one of my favorites), that of Mosiah 5:15, which is for some inexplicable reason not cross-referenced to 1 Corinthians 15:58. I almost hesitate to say that the provided cross-referencing scheme is inadequate. It certainly isn’t to those who don’t use it. All the same, I won’t go into my studies about the history of scripture in print; it suffices me to say the footnotes are a tremendous effort, but hardly all-inclusive, on the mark, or always the best selection out of what would fit in a limited space. I have no idea where that came from, but it seems to foreshadow the rest of tonight’s data dump. My apologies in advance for a more informal and nostalgic entry.

I hope I don’t seem too much like the beloved “idiot” savant, Kim Peek, in this respect, but I do always chuckle at his statement: “I read books in the morning and in the evening. I go to the libraries in the afternoons” (Fran Peek, The Real Rain Man: Kim Peek [Salt Lake City: Harkness Publishing Consultants LLC, 1996], 74). (Incidentally, he tackled a perennial question: “One individual, a male teacher who seemed a bit negative in his body language as Kim responded to comments from others, raised his hand and asked, ‘If you are so smart, Kim, maybe you can tell us which came first: the chicken or the egg?’ Without a second’s hesitation, Kim shot back in an unusually feisty tone, ‘Did you ever see an egg cross the road?’” (Ibid., 123).)

I’ve been reflecting back on BYU apartment days with considerable fondness. That is where some of my oddities first escaped. I regularly clipped Church quotes and stuck them on my bedroom wall, then walls, and eventually the ceiling. My roommate looked at it askance and said, “Kris, you have a ‘Beautiful Mind.’” (That will make no sense if you haven’t seen the movie.) Right above my head I stuck President Hinckley’s thought (Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley, 145):

This work requires sacrifice, it requires effort, it means courage to speak out and faith to try. This cause does not need critics; it does not need doubters. It needs men and women of solemn purpose. As Paul wrote to Timothy: “. . . God hath not given us the spirit of ear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord. . . .” (2 Tim. 1:7-8.)

I would that every member of this church, and every good man throughout the world, would put those words where he might see them every morning as he begins his day. They would give him the courage to speak up, they would give him the faith to try, they would strengthen his conviction of the Lord Jesus Christ.

I believe that miracles would begin to happen over the earth.

Frustratingly, I soon realized that my eyesight was too poor to actually read the thing from that distance when I first opened my eyes! I also recall coming home from the Nauvoo Temple dedication, as held in a stake building, to print off President Hinckley’s statement “You cannot turn your back on this work and prosper” and plaster it under the windowsill. That was the first time my roommate gave me a look like I was taking over.... But we were always friends. Even though he had this way of tensing up, shaking his head, and saying, “You’re so weeeeeird.”

One night in the front room, while I was cheerfully reviewing newly copied quotes, a visiting Relief Society sister asked me what one was about. ‘Twas one of my favorites, quite relevant to recently unveiled thoughts:

Numerous leisure hours have been made available to men. It is noticeable that many use these extra hours for fun and pleasure. Certainly an increased part of it could profitably be used for gaining knowledge and culture through the reading of good books.

Numerous people fail to take advantage of these opportunities. Many people spend hours in planes with only cursory glancing at magazines, and in the train or bus, time is spent “sitting and thinking,” and in many cases, “just sitting,” when there could be such a constructive program of reading. People in beauty parlors, professional offices, waiting rooms, and elsewhere waste precious hours thumbing through outdated magazines when much valuable reading could be done in these islands of time. (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, 383)

That is hardly all that I do. I’m making a renewed effort to also practice President Hinckley’s counsel (TGBH, 44):

I want to make it clear that I am not adverse to some recreation. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, and likewise Jill a dull doll. But when it becomes an end in itself, then we are in danger. We cannot expect to refine the substance of character from “the husks of pleasure.”

I’m spurred on by President Monson’s words—and I’m too tired to find what is undoubtedly a corresponding thought within more recent publications:

Here was one who was content to travel in any direction, according to the whim of the driver who stopped to give him a free ride. What an enormous price to pay for such a ride! No plan. No objective. No goal. The road to anywhere is the road to nowhere, and the road to nowhere leads to dreams sacrificed, opportunities squandered, and a life unfulfilled. (Be Your Best Self [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Company, 1979], 45)

Focus. The sharper the focus the greater the risk of insanity, I suppose, hence the need for the balancing effect of understanding as many principles as possible. In the end I see little wriggle room from the phrase “an eye single to the glory of God.” The corollary is that an eye capable of viewing His glory must be open to seeing quite a lot indeed. Else we can be broadsided easily. Maybe in my fatigue I’m trying to say that depth and breadth are required for true discipleship. Either one by itself seems to trifle with the other, totally out of sync with what’s necessary.

Still, I almost single-mindedly hold to President George Albert Smith’s mentality (TGeAS, 130): “This life is not given to us as a pastime. There was a solemn purpose in our creation, in the life that God has given to us. Let us study what that purpose is, that we may progress and obtain eternal life.” There are lots and lots of instructions about the most important knowledge being spiritual, etc., etc. (Whoa. That’s unlike me. Now I know I’m trying to wrap things up!) Etc. in this case=please look them all up. It does not=I don’t care, I’m bored.

Since I’ve been burning the candle on both ends, lately my “islands of time” have been spent snoozing. “You snooze, you lose” is fairly apropos. Just rising early without retiring early seems to me like I’m disobeying prophetic counsel, and I’m guilty enough right now, so good night!!!

P.S. I'll have you know that I could not do otherwise than bestir myself from slumber once this nagging thought took up a mighty commotion. This after a long day wherein I went to two jobs, two FHEs, and nearly finished my taxes. I discover that I'm attempting to imitate the "vices" of great men, rather than their virtues.

From Prophet to Son: Advice of Joseph F. Smith to His Missionary Sons [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Company, 1981], 89-90, 96-97:

I never asked, never expected anybody else to carry my load or lighten my cares. I never worked with any man who worked longer hours than I did myself. President George Q. Cannon is the only man I ever met to whose capacity for endurance I had to bow, and he possessed one gift--a rare one, too--which I, unfortunately, do not possess. It was this, at night when the toil of the day was done and we laid ourselves down for rest, the moment his head pressed his pillow, he slept and snored, and snored and slept, while I would toss and roll and sigh for sleep and rest, but like the will of the wisp, it would mockingly dance before my o'er wrought nerves, and perhaps for hours when most I needed it, elude me. . . . I have carried this nervous temperament for more then [sic] 66 years and still I live! But it is due to kind providence, and to the mercy and love of God, and not due to any wisdom, caution or power of my own. I shall endure it until He says it is enough, and then I will give up. . . . The burden would be too heavy for me to bear alone. But I can do it easily with God and my family on my side! . . .

You were writing your letter of January 8 after 12 midnight, and you had not "been to bed before 12 midnight for almost a month." I think I might almost say the same of myself. But whether it is I or you, it is all wrong! I know that in this respect I am guilty of transgressing the laws of life and health, and yet it seems as tho' I was impelled by necessity to do it. All day I give my time and effort to public duty, and what I have to do for myself and my five families I must do after working hours. Besides these duties necessary to myself and family, I do all the writing, reading, reviewing of matter for the [Deseret News] press, which I have to do by electric light, generally after everybody except myself (not even excepting the office guard), are wrapped in the arms of Morpheus. Still it is wrong, especially is it not wise when necessity compels one to get up early in the morning after working past midnight. It is wrong even though one sleeps in the morning to make up for lost rest, for it is turning day into night and night into day. In a manner it is consuming artificial light at much cost to the pocket and wasting free natural light, also at more or less cost to health. . . .

The Lord said, "Retire to bed early," and this is wise advice, but we do not heed it. Now let me say it, Let us go to bed early, that we may rise early and be refreshed. So far as we can. It is God's plan. He tells us to do it, and we should obey.

While turning pages in search of this thing brought most inconveniently to my remembrance, I recollected two other items I cannot fail to share with you, since they're in front of me.

Joseph F. Smith: Portrait of a Prophet [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Company, 2000], 278 contains President Anthon Lund's funeral tribute to President Smith. Watch for his incautiously and unintentionally humorous implication:

We have heard President Grant speak about Brother John Taylor, about Brother Woodruff, and Brother Lorenzo Snow, and we have for some time looked forward to a day on which speeches should be made in memory of the prophet Joseph F. Smith.

Also, I was reminded on pages 308-309 of the exact language (to quote President Smith's April 1902 Conference address, contained in multiple sources) of a concept I drew upon in my last entry:

I believe that the Lord has revealed unto the children of men all that they know. I do not believe that any man has discovered any principle of science or art, in mechanism or mathematics or anything else that God did not know before man did. Man is indebted to the Source of all intelligence and truth for the knowledge that he possesses and all who will yield obedience to the promptings of the Spirit which lead to virtue, to honor, to the love of God and man, to the love of truth and that which is ennobling and enlarging to the soul will get a clearer and more expansive and more direct and conclusive knowledge of God's truths than any one else can obtain.

If I could save time in a bottle...

These are something of a stream-of-consciousness exercise for me, if my reader (as if there’s more than one!) will bear with me.

Yesterday I managed to squander some major blocks of time. Naturally, this brings some remorse. I can be a team player, but ultimately responsibility rests upon myself as to what I must answer for. Earlier this week a powerful realization came to my mind: a lot of what I’ve managed to accomplish in life was either a divine gift, or because of what I chose to do while others were doing something else. That latter step has not always been entirely voluntary, and is certainly not intended as an insult to or isolation from others.

I turn to President Monson to help this entry take shape (and many of these thoughts are contained in various sermons):

Work will win when wishy-washy wishing won't. . . .

There is no place for procrastination, defined by Edward Young two centuries ago as "the thief of time."

Procrastination is really much more. It is the thief of our self-respect. It nags at us and spoils our joy. It deprives us of the fullest realization of our ambitions and hopes. But procrastination is a guest who prefers to visit the lazy, and never feels at home with the busy and diligent. . . .

Our noble thoughts must be part of a purposeful plan, if the dream castles we have envisioned are to become a reality. The Lord taught, "Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing." (D&C 88:119.) A reading of the book of Genesis gives one insight into the painstaking planning undertaken by God himself.

At times the preparation period may appear dull, uninteresting, and even unnecessary. But experience continues to demonstrate that the future belongs to those who prepare for it. And if we are to become leaders, we cannot skimp on our preparation. . . .

Spirituality is not like a water faucet in that it can be turned off or turned on at will. Some make the fatal error of assuming that religion is for others now and perhaps someday for us. Such thinking is not based on fact or experience, for we are daily becoming what we shall be. . . .

It has been said by one, years ago, that history turns on small hinges, and so do people's lives. Our lives will depend upon the decisions we make, for decisions determine destiny. . . .

When the time for decision arrives, the time for preparation is past. (Be Your Best Self [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Company, 1979], 117, 121-122, 126, 131; see President Kimball’s extensive exposition on “procrastination”; for the more earnest reader, consider how seriously Church leaders have applied an interpretation of the parable of the ten virgins to the Church)

Time! The plight of mortality: “The future is something that everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is” (C.S. Lewis). Or: “We seem free to move around in space at will, but in time we are like helpless rafters in a mighty stream, propelled into the future at the rate of one second per second” (J. Richard Gott III, Time Travel in Einstein's Universe: The Physical Possibilities of Travel Through Time [Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 2001], 4-5). God, if not outside of space-time in ways we couldn’t dream of comprehending, is at least the very Master of it. (So it’s not “Einstein’s universe.”) Furthermore, there’s little need for physical travel through time for one who is master of all possibilities, or when under the workings of the Spirit our own minds may just as easily traverse such distance (if that’s an adequate term for something which has neither temporal constraints nor geographical boundaries, and requires considerable expansion of the understanding).

We mere mortals are prone to let the pundits of modernity define our lives for us. We depend upon technological advances to wow us into thinking it’s amazing what we can do nowadays. God could do it all along, and we are only enabled to do so at His sufferance. (Need I whip out the quotes about our progress of the last couple of centuries being a sign of the times?) Practically all of holy utterance is scrapped because it contradicts—as my Nibley quote in the previous entry somewhat alluded to—the picture painted by puny mortals trapped in the trend and tempo of the present. With information more available and less desired, we are squelching a certain degree of imagination, and this contributes to precluding personal revelation. Look to the giver of every good gift! (See Moroni 10:18-19.)

I recall a neuroscience major roommate of mine who appreciated my sharing this thought:

His [Father's] method of conveying intelligence is far more rapid than that of light. Light, how slow! Only 185,000 miles in a second. It would take three and a half years at that rate for light to come from one of the nearest fixed stars. A long time to wait, especially if you were in a hurry to get an answer to any message you may send; you would have to wait three and a half years for the message to go, and probably for the same time, for the returning answer. Now, the Lord has powers beyond those with which we are acquainted. (Orson Pratt, JD, 19:294)

In the movie K-Pax, an individual tells the incredulous psychiatrist that he has traveled faster than light a distance of something like eleven (?) light years. He then has to correct the psychiatrist, saying it would have taken eleven (?) years if he’d only traveled at the speed of light. That fictional conversation illuminates the need for something that the correct definition of the light of Christ answers, a medium by which Heavenly Father instantaneously communicates with the entire universe (see D&C 88:4-13). That light came into the world and was rejected by it, and in large measure still is.

Surprisingly, in light of my lack of left brain, my mind once opened up, however briefly, to much of what physics describes as time travel. What if both components of this process (e.g., “time” and “travel”) were rendered obsolete by the eternal processes at work? What if energy is matter, and the mode of universe operation is organization? Science is currently undergoing lots of rethinking in relation to matter and energy. We have the assurance (D&C 131:7), with special reference to spiritual bodies, that “there is no such thing as immaterial matter.” We also know that inanimate objects are clearly animated with spiritual forces beyond the possibility of measurement by scientific instruments, and that these heed God’s commands even when man doesn’t! (The bestowal of sentience, upon beings described as being intelligences themselves, apparently does not guarantee what I’ve long called the ultimate form of intelligence: obedience.) But what I want to discuss is time usage, not evasion. I also steer away from the closest thing to speculation in which I ever engage. All I will add is a quotation with strong bearing upon my considerations of this topic:

Fortunately, a limited understanding of the physics of helium does not constrain its lifting power. But an improved understanding does enhance one's ability to tap into that lifting power. So it is with faith. The lifting, buoying, saving power of faith in Christ that can be accessed by believing children and believing adults is not constrained by the level of our understanding. Thus I firmly believe that if we will hold to the string of faith and reach out for our Heavenly Father's hand we will be lifted into heaven. (Stephen D. Nadauld, Justified by Faith [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Company, 2001], 2)

“Time only is measured unto men” (Alma 40:8), but the feature that makes our timed labors really matter is this: “it was appointed unto men that they must die; and after death, they must come to judgment, even that same judgment of which we have spoken, which is the end” (Alma 12:27). How awful it would be to finally escape time and death, both temporary conditions, but never more be able to escape your own torment of soul!

I like how this one man, in agreement with scripture of which he was unaware, captured that scenario:

Think whether, when the Bible says anything about your soul, it means this mysterious being that you call "I." . . .

Then realize that whether you exalt or degrade it, it is with you for ever. YOU CAN NEVER, NEVER, NEVER GET AWAY FROM YOURSELF. You will be the very same self after death as before. (J. Paterson-Smyth, The Gospel of the Hereafter [New York: Fleming H. Revell Company, 1910], 27-28)

Hence the importance of these scriptural words:

And the wicked shall go away into unquenchable fire, and their end no man knoweth on earth, nor ever shall know, until they come before me in judgment.

Hearken ye to these words. Behold, I am Jesus Christ, the Savior of the world. Treasure these things up in your hearts, and let the solemnities of eternity rest upon your minds.

Be sober. Keep all my commandments. Even so. Amen. (D&C 43:33-35; see D&C 76:40-49)

Many, many prophets have counseled that we are already in eternity. That sort of perspective can’t help but have a profound impact upon one’s acts. Does the thought of the veil literally being lifted to disclose that God’s eyes are upon us do anything for one’s motives? I have said many times that the real and utmost importance of the sealing power is that it makes things eternal in what we perceive as a trap of entropy. For weal or woe, some sort of future state will become eternal for us, whether we are sealed unto the fate of the devil (Alma 34:35) by our own consistently poor choices or unto eternal lives by the Holy Spirit of promise.

It appears that I tackled a portion of this subject in 1993, in an understandably juvenile fashion:

In the six thousand years or so since Adam's fall, one of the single most important factors upon human life has been time.

Given time, all governments will change or fall, worlds will pass away and worlds will be created anew. . . .

It is simply impossible for us to conceive the notion of never ending, and especially never beginning.

In an effort to preserve our sanity, we established a system by which we measured a small allotment of eternity. We set forth days, months, years, and millennia. Thus we note the passage of time.

But all is the same to God. While we live and die throughout the centuries, very little seems to have occurred from the immortal side. He sees no need in determining the elapsement of time, since it has no hold on him. There is no fear in heaven of anything ever decaying or ending.

I wrote the following on 05/18/96:

Lasting happiness can only come from lasting preparations and holds only with lasting principles. What can the chaos about us offer that will still be here in 10 billion years? . . . Even if Satan managed to continually renew the interest in such evil through the generations, God would not suffer it to carry on for so long. Our world will soon fulfill its purpose, and then where will many of these people find themselves?

Back to a prophet, for eternal perspective . . . .

I will give you a figure that brother Hyde had in a dream. He had been thinking a great deal about time and eternity; he wished to know the difference, but how to understand it he did not know. He asked the Lord to show him, and after he had prayed about it the Lord gave him a dream, at least I presume He did, or permitted it so to be, at any rate he had a dream; his mind was opened so that he could understand time and eternity. He said that he thought he saw a stream issuing forth from a misty cloud which spread upon his right and upon his left, and that the stream ran past him and entered the cloud again. He was told that the stream was time, that it had no place where it commenced to run, neither was there any end to its running; and that the time which he was thinking about and talking about, what he could see between the two clouds, was a portion of or one with that which he could not perceive.

So it is with you and I; here is time, where is eternity? It is here, just as much as anywhere in all the expanse of space; a measured space of time is only a part of eternity.

We have a short period of duration allotted to us, and we call it time. (Brigham Young, JD, 3:367)

Tolstoy reduced it to laughable simplicity:

"Why is it hard to imagine eternity?" asked Natasha. "There's today, there will be tomorrow, and forever; and there was yesterday, and the day before. . . ." (War and Peace, trans. Ann Dunnigan [New York, New York: Signet Classic, 1968; orig. 1869], 632)

Indeed, why so hard when we continually strive to please a Holy Being who is the same (stated in many verses) “yesterday, today, and forever”? That stability certainly wins my admiration, confidence, and devotion for His perfect system of laws, not to mention the happiness that derives therefrom. My faith therein has often been fortified since at least the tender age of four, and one journal entry (07/26/95) attests:

I have obtained the Holy Ghost, and my most solemn thoughts are opening up worlds of pondering and joy. I can be saved through Christ, the Atoning One! The universe is open to all who would obey God. I simply cannot express how I feel on this paper. . . . I cannot understand a life without the vision that I have now.

It is only one feature or another of mortality (whether our own or others’, or God’s specific plans for this mortal real estate) that ever places a limitation upon what we can do. “All things are possible to him that believeth” (Mark 9:23).

I’ve had occasion to contemplate a television show—not truly adapted for spiritual reflection, though I seem to insist on it—and many of its plot elements. It leaves one pondering about the effect that we might have upon a hideous future (in our case, that preceding a day great and dreadful enough in itself), with arguments landing upon neither determinism nor fatalism. Knowing precise details about impending events scarcely makes a difference when people will not listen or prepare, so God often forebears from heaping further condemnation upon the deaf.

In reality, too certain a knowledge would paralyze some. Elder Joseph F. Merrill stated, “If we were assured of success we probably would be less deserving of success, the reasons being readily apparent; and if we knew that discouragements, troubles, and failures awaited us we would likely lose heart, thus making these adversities more severe. A moment’s thought will convince us that it is best as it is—that a kind Providence wisely withholds our future from us” (MS, 96:8). Small wonder that Isaiah referred to his “burden.”

Much like the show’s unique storyline, there are momentous events that we cannot avert. (At some point in coming days I’ll locate the reference for Pres. Joseph Fielding Smith expressing dismay at the commonly taught idea that by our actions we can sway the Lord’s mind as to when He comes.) The question, in a universe where the worth of every soul is great, is how many people we can help change before the inevitable strikes. I often view the future as something like hardening cement, with many markers driven indelibly deep into the ground. Prophecies are given in generalities, with the Lord being more sparing as to how He reveals individuals’ places. Some prophecies are conditional; many are not. As the show also recognizes, the voice of warning tends to get one ousted, committed, or worse. “You may go into any court in the world and say, ‘Thus saith the Lord,’ and they will kick you out. Try it and see” (John Taylor, JD, 5:188).

To quote from a Persian in Herodotus again: “No one would believe us, however true our warning. This is the worst pain a man can have: to know much and have no power to act” (The Histories, trans. Aubrey de Selincourt [London: Penguin Books, 1996], 504). Whether commanded to preach (3:2-3) or forbidden to do so (1:17), Mormon certainly felt helpless (3:16).

With some hesitation, for fear that personal, practically private, musings may be mistaken for public assertions, I’ll share a dream of mine (December 2000) that exposed me to some inkling of what that feeling of frustration must be like:

I detected so many evil spirits that my head was buzzing and I was almost brought to my knees. Everyone ignored my pleas that we depart from the awful place. They just wanted to gaze in the pit. . . . I looked away fearfully and saw someone walking on the valley floor. This man was in a fine black suit and I knew him instantly as Lucifer himself. . . . I anxiously told this to my companions, but they simply responded like, "We don't see any devil. You're annoying us. Stop it." . . . Then they began to feel an otherworldly influence. They were terrified and called out for me to help them. I said something to the effect of, "I can't help you now. It will be all I can do to get myself out of here." I exerted all my spiritual force to beat a hasty retreat.

It’s pretty painful, but I’d still contend a worse pain would be to know much and not warn, or, worst by far, to know much and not even act for ONESELF upon that knowledge.

Speaking of a mortal condition becoming eternal, I discovered for myself the recommendable majesty of Dickens’ Christmas Carol. One passage serves as dramatic warning to the careless, while further helping me to harp on using our agency while in mortality:

Scrooge fell upon his knees, and clasped his hands before his face.

'Mercy!' he said. 'Dreadful apparition, why do you trouble me?'

'Man of the worldly mind!' replied the Ghost [Jacob Marley], 'do you believe in me or not?'

'I do,' said Scrooge. 'I must. But why do spirits walk the earth, and why do they come to me?'

'It is required of every man,' the Ghost returned, 'that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellowmen, and travel far and wide; and if that spirit goes not forth in life, it is condemned to do so after death. It is doomed to wander through the world--oh, woe is me!--and witness what it cannot share, but might have shared on earth, and turned to happiness!'

Again the spectre raised a cry, and shook its chain and wrung its shadowy hands.

'You are fettered,' said Scrooge, trembling. 'Tell me why?'

'I wear the chain I forged in life,' replied the Ghost. 'I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it. Is its pattern strange to you?' . . .

'Jacob,' he said imploringly. 'Old Jacob Marley, tell me more. Speak comfort to me, Jacob!'

'I have none to give,' the Ghost replied. 'It comes from other regions, Ebenezer Scrooge, and is conveyed by other ministers, to other kinds of men. Nor can I tell you what I would. A very little more, is all permitted to me. I cannot rest, I cannot stay, I cannot linger anywhere. My spirit never walked beyond our counting-house—mark me!—in life my spirit never roved beyond the narrow limits of our money-changing hole; and weary journeys lie before me!' . . .

'Oh! captive, bound, and double-ironed,' cried the phantom, 'not to know, that ages of incessant labour, by immortal creatures, for this earth must pass into eternity before the good of which it is susceptible is all developed. Not to know that any Christian spirit working kindly in its little sphere, whatever it may be, will find its mortal life too short for its vast means of usefulness. Not to know that no space of regret can make amends for one life's opportunity misused! Yet such was I! Oh! such was I'

'But you were always a good man of business, Jacob,' faltered Scrooge, who now began to apply this to himself.

'Business!' cried the Ghost, wringing its hands again. 'Mankind was my business. The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, and benevolence, were, all, my business. The dealings of my trade were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of my business!' . . .

Scrooge followed to the window: desperate in his curiosity. He looked out.

The air was filled with phantoms, wandering hither and thither in restless haste, and moaning as they went. Every one of them wore chains like Marley's Ghost; some few (they might be guilty governments) were linked together; none were free. Many had been personally known to Scrooge in their lives. He had been quite familiar with one old ghost, in a white waistcoat, with a monstrous iron safe attached to its ankle, who cried piteously at being unable to assist a wretched woman with an infant, whom it saw below, upon a door-step. The misery with them all was clearly, that they sought to interfere, for good, in human matters, and had lost the power for ever.

At one time I was actively admiring the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising, acquiring newfound respect for Raoul Wallenberg, and not even attempting to repress disgust over such facts as provided in, for one, While Six Million Died: A Chronicle of American Apathy. (Wiesenthal talks about all of Europe looking the other way, when they must have known what was going on.)

With surprising ferocity, I wished that I could go back and at least be one more person against the tide of evil which fomented the Holocaust. Then it came to me that the participants of that day will all go to their corresponding reward; the past must lie where it is. God already made every provision. Ours is the battle of the future, and the war is still on! (I hope this wasn’t remotely akin to those saying they’d die for former prophets but wouldn’t for the current one.) My desire became to join the ranks of those to “foil Satan’s best-laid plans.” Thanks to a great mother, I’ve been constantly reminded of the obligation to resist evil heedless of apparent outcome, since many a time she’s told me to remember that Abinadi didn’t even know he’d made a difference.

Still, it is characteristic of Satanic whisperings to argue against the possibility of change, in our own lives or others’. The captain of our salvation makes it otherwise. In his frequently reiterated message, we may read Elder Richard G. Scott’s hope:

The Savior gave His life that even the most serious transgressions can be overcome and an individual can be made new, clean, and pure through repentance and obedience to the Lord’s commandments. To believe otherwise would be to deny the power of the Atonement of our Savior. (Ensign, Jun. 1997, 55)

Yes, in a chilling assessment, Satan even makes his own prophecies and actively seeks to carry them out (see Heber J. Grant, Gospel Standards, 364, for but one example along lines I don’t have time to develop). It may just be that frequently only the living, active power of the true gospel of Jesus Christ is sufficient to rebuke such demonic design.

Let’s serve as forward-looking time travelers, realizing that present choices have eternal consequences. Whether you know little or much, you DO know the future: prepare accordingly. Arm yourself even as you move at sixty minutes an hour toward appointed events. The victory has already been obtained through Jesus Christ, and He has empowered us with so much. Myriads of prophets foresaw what should befall the inhabitants of the earth “unto the latest generation,” at which time there shall be time no longer, and their accounts are written with useful clarity. Modern revelation helps us understand exactly how to combat the evils unleashed at this particular segment of time. We have been given every needful thing—we must simply prepare, and act at the same time. Fear is our adversary’s weapon, continually directed against those willing to step up to the challenges ahead.

The Prophet Joseph Smith wrote with a sort of poetic rapture (TJS, 595):

When I contemplate the rapidity with which the great and glorious day of the coming of the Son of Man advances, when He shall come to receive His Saints unto Himself, where they shall dwell in His presence, and be crowned with glory and immortality. . . . I cry out in my heart, What manner of persons ought we to be in all holy conversation and godliness!

In winding down this agitated tone of discourse, I return to where I started: a sense of guilt. As a result of my recent poor time management, I’ve slackened in some duties for which I had to account today.

I feel, frequently, that if we would go about doing our duties properly and fully, that somehow out of the small as well as the great experiences of our lives would crystallize the great thing for us, the thing that we most need. I cannot understand eternal life any other way. I do my duty, little by little, day by day, year by year, and then the Lord takes the deeds of my life, and as we use bricks in the building of a house, he builds for me eternal life. We may have forgotten that, at times, in our eagerness to accomplish. (John A. Widtsoe, CR, Apr. 1935, 81)

Six days a week the devil works,
Works overtime on Sunday.
And then is ready once again
To go to work on Monday.
And if all evil we would shun
And keep our conscience level,
We must get up at early dawn
And work--like the devil. (used in William H. Bennett, "Make the Best Better," BYU Speeches of the Year, 14 Jul 1970, 3)

I’m piecing together a great number of clippings from one of President Joseph Fielding Smith’s books, again mostly for his clearness of style, which does not vary from the other prophets in information. The reader may skip over it if in some strange likelihood putting up with such wonderful paragraphs would fatigue them too much to read the conclusion.

It is, of course, a gloomy picture; but is it not the duty of the elders of Israel to speak of these things with warning voice? Shall we close our eyes and our ears and seal our understandings simply because some things are unpleasant to the ear and to the eye? Shall we refuse to raise a warning voice when danger approaches? When trouble is near? When destruction is at our door? Such a course would be cowardly if we know the truth. We cannot cry “all is well” when danger lurks on every side. We must not lull the people to sleep in a false security. President Woodruff declared that “no man that is inspired by the Spirit and power of God can close his ears, his eyes, or his lips to these things!”

The cup of indignation is full and the Lord’s wrath is being poured out upon the wicked as he said it would be. Yet we are seeing only the beginnings of sorrow. The whole world needs repentance—repentance and the humble acceptance of the gospel as it has been revealed. This is all that will, or can, save the world from the destruction which awaits it. . . .

We need not “kid” ourselves into thinking that this world is growing better. If so, then the prophecies have failed. This world today is full of wickedness. That wickedness is increasing. True, there are many righteous people scattered throughout the earth, and it is our duty to search them out and give unto them the gospel of Jesus Christ and bring them out of Babylon. . . .

What is astonishing to me is the nature of some of the questions that some of the members of the Church write to me about, which, if they would turn to their Standard Works and spend just a little time studying them, they would not have to ask the questions, because they are all answered, and the Lord has given them to us. . . .

I feel that the Latter-day Saints . . . are under condemnation before the Lord because he has given us so much pertaining to our present needs and our salvation, and yet the great majority of us, if I have the right understanding of us, we don’t study, and we don’t hunt for these things and we don’t know about them, and so we are in danger—danger of being led astray. . . .

We are in a wicked world. I know there are good people in the world, yes. But the Lord says it is wicked, and if he says it is wicked, I think maybe I can, too, and I think it is getting more so every day. We have many responsibilities, but none of them to cause us to neglect our homes. . . .

I get quite a number of letters from people who don’t want to observe the Sabbath day, and they are trying to find excuses and loopholes so they won’t have to keep the commandment. It isn’t a grievous commandment to keep. The Lord never gave us a commandment which was hard to keep. I have heard people say it is hard to keep the commandments of the Lord. I don’t want to confess a thing like that. I don’t want to say his commandments are hard to keep. They are not hard for anyone to keep if they make up their minds to keep them. And in keeping them, they get great joy and satisfaction. And the pleasure and happiness that comes from the keeping of those commandments is far greater than the little pleasure they get out of breaking them. . . .

We [my good brethren] were discussing a few days ago the power of Satan. We were discussing about our Savior—and somebody asked the question: Does Satan really know that in the end he is going to lose? Then someone raised another question: Well, if he is sure he is going to lose, he would give up the struggle. We had quite a discussion. Then one of our brethren said, “He already has 90 per cent of the people who have lived on the face of the earth.” We have all been on his side, or nearly, at times. You stood out and opposed him in the spirit world. He has captured most of the inhabitants of the world and perhaps he thinks that when the final war comes he will be strong enough to win the battle. I wonder if he does!

I think he is here this afternoon, so I am going to tell him that he is going to lose the battle. He is usually with us, he is right in the way. That’s one thing we ought to learn—that his forces are organized and he would rather destroy a member of this Church than anyone else on the face of the earth, and he has a force big enough to send a legion after any one of us if he thought it took that many. Don’t think he is sleeping and has lost any of his energy, whether he knows he is going to lose eventually or not. That matters little. But it does matter much whether we are going to be on his side or on the side of Jesus Christ. . . .

Satan today is busier than he has ever been in the history of this world. He is filled with more hate and rage and determination, in my judgment, than ever before. Now John saw this and spoke of it. It is recorded in the Book of Revelation that this would be the case, and that he would put forth his efforts with greater vigor because he knows he has but a short time. . . .

We have reached a stage in our history, according to my understanding—and I have had some experience through the years—that the fashions of the world and the things and the pleasures of the world find more place in the hearts of members of the Church than ever before. I would like to have somebody point out to me that I was wrong, but I don’t think they can. Many of our young people are growing up with the love of the world in their hearts, and the fashions of the world and following of the world. . . .

The children of the Latter-day Saints today are becoming rebellious and disobedient, and I think it is largely due to the fact that there is neglect of the responsibility the Lord has placed upon us to be exercised in the home. . . .

In the Doctrine and Covenants, Section 86, it says: “He that seeketh me early shall find me, and shall not be forsaken.”

Procrastination as it may be applied to the gospel is the thief of eternal life, which is the life in the presence of the Father and the Son. There are many among us who feel that there is no need for haste in the observance of the gospel principles and the keeping of the commandments. We are living in the last days. Bad habits are easily formed. They are not so easily broken. . . . Do we expect that our bodies will be cleansed in the grave and we shall come forth with perfect and sanctified bodies in the resurrection? . . .

One of the greatest responsibilities that is ever entrusted to any human being is that of building his own personality. The chief business of our lives is to build a house that will bear the weight of eternal life. . . .

The greatest waste in mortal life is that men love evil instead of righteousness. We come to this world to be tried and proved to see if we will keep the commandments when we are shut out of the divine presence. Most human beings live below their possibilities. Mortal life is short at best. It is, however, the life in which we prepare for eternity. . . .

The words of the prophets are rapidly being fulfilled, but it is done on such natural principles that most of us fail to see it. . . .

If the great and dreadful day of the Lord was near at hand when Elijah came, we are just one century nearer it today. But some will say: “But no! Elijah, you are wrong! Surely 136 years have passed, and are we not better off today than ever before? Look at our discoveries, our inventions, our knowledge and our wisdom! Surely you made a mistake!” . . .

Is not the condition among the people today similar to that in the day of Noah? Did the people believe and repent then? Can you make men, save with few exceptions[,] believe today that there is any danger? Do you believe the Lord when he said 136 years ago:

[D&C 1:35.]
[Ibid., 99:5.]
[Ibid., 1:12-13.]
[JS-M 1:34.]

Shall we slumber on in utter oblivion or indifference to all that the Lord has given us as warning? I say unto you,

[Matt. 24:42-44.]

(Take Heed to Yourselves! [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Company, 1966], 182, 207, 243, 263, 278-279, 304-305, 353-354, 413-415, 428, 431-433)

President Monson will also help me close this entry (and I additionally hope the way I word that sounds more like deference to him than misusing him):

One writer said that the door of history turns on small hinges, and so do people’s lives. If we were to apply that maxim to our lives, we could say that we are the result of many small decisions. In effect, we are the product of our choices. We must develop the capacity to recall the past, to evaluate the present, and to look into the future in order to accomplish in our lives what the Lord would have us do. (Ensign, Nov. 2007, 59)

Such would seem to be an invitation to keep past, present, and future continually before us (see D&C 130:7) in imitation of our Father in heaven.

This joined several other talks that stressed the importance of taking action now to reap benefits in eternity. Our stake president refers to prophetic priorities. I snatch just such a phrase from Wilford Woodruff (DWW, 103, 260): “We have no time to waste.”

Last of all, since my call to action was already abundantly enunciated, I append two pertinent statements that President Monson made in the October 2000 Conference:

Inscribed on the wall of Stanford University Memorial Church is this truth, that we must teach our youth that all that is not eternal is too short, and all that is not infinite is too small.

President Gordon B. Hinckley emphasized our responsibilities when he declared: “In this work there must be commitment. There must be devotion. We are engaged in a great struggle that concerns the very souls of the sons and daughters of God. We are not losing. We are winning. We will continue to win if we will be faithful and true. . . . There is nothing the Lord has asked of us that in faith we cannot accomplish.”

We cannot call back time that is past, we cannot stop time that now is, and we cannot experience the future in our present state. Time is a gift, a treasure not to be put aside for the future but to be used wisely in the present.